Hope4us struggle, part 9 or 10 or whatever

[Hope4us]

She's not changing cell phone numbers. Just a new phone. And there's no way she will ever get completely away from OM unless she quits her job. He's 250 miles away, but works for our company as a contractor, so there's always email, phone, IM. But again, I seriously doubt they're talking. I truly think the night a couple months ago when I told her about him lying to her about divorce it was probably the final nail in the affair coffin. I think prior to that she probably still kept talking to him while "trying" with me so she could then say to the kids "see I tried with your dad and it didn't work but see how happy OM makes me". But with the look on her face when I told her he was lying to her, I think she finally understood he was just using her.

Oh yes. The queen of stubborn. Our marriage will probably end because for it to make it would take her admitting she did something wrong. I actually think that the part of my F you email that said "what are you afraid of, that you might actually have feelings for me and then this affair would have all been a waste" might have had some impact with her. But only time will tell.

And yes, I agree. She is so stubborn that she knows she should get rid of the undies, glass etc and continue NC, but because it's something I want, she refuses because that would be her giving in to me which is something she claims she's done our whole marriage and she will NO LONGER CHANGE FOR ANYONE (that's what she told me 6 months ago).

So...double stubborn. To do what I need to heal and for our marriage to have a chance would be for her to do exactly opposite of what this affair was all about, IMHO. And you're right. I think she's trying to do those things, but without telling me so she can maintain her "control" over the situation. I think she feels if she gives in to anything I want, that things will go back to what they were before, which in her opinion were so terrible.

Ok, gotta run.