I think you're doing good ndsmhelp. I wish I had that with my W. Mine wants nothing of the sort except for me to act like her BFF.
Hopefully, with your strong DB'ing and the fact that you guys are interacting so well; you may succeed here and be an inspiration for many.
God Bless
MC Thanks for the pat...still think I have a lot to learn when it comes to DB'ing, though.
Although I am completely committed to treating my wife as she deserves to be, there is much more, personally, that needs to be addressed.
I still feel like, even though I am giving her the man she deserves, there are other things that I am neglecting.
If the sitch stays the same and we continue to progress positively, I think it will be easier for me to concentrate on "our" future....with the hope that she follows along.
As much as I have changed in my treatment of her, and my attitude in general, my goal is to show her more personal growth and hope that she will realize that we can have that life together we always wanted, but were never able to set goals together to reach....because of my behavior and our relationship.
I wouldn't be surprised if you're not right on the mark with that interpretation.
Did she used to spend lots of nights on the couch alone, or did this just start since the bomb?
If this is just since the bomb, this couch deal could well be a decent measuring stick of where she's at in things.
Bill
Prior to the bomb, and during the year before that while I was in my "fog" of thinking all was well and I had changed, she spent most nights on the couch. I should mention that up until the last 6 or 8 months, I was using a CPAP machine because I have sleep apnea, so in some ways I thought there were valid reasons for her wanting a little peace and quiet at night. Over the past year, I had lost quite a bit of weight, and stopped using the machine little by little. As we spent more time together in the same bed, I let it go all together and put it away.
Still feeling OK, but due for a sleep study to see what's up.
Her reasons for not sleeping with me prior to the bomb were my snoring, the noise from the CPAP machine, the bed was uncomfortable((new bed that we screwed up on...too soft...my fault)), she was up late watching TV, etc.
I used to ask about it, make comments about it, but she would always tell me I was crazy..."it's not because I don't want to sleep with you". She would tell me about couples that she knew that had separate bedrooms, but still ML, or separate beds, etc.
I guess I would say early on after the bomb, she still spent most nights on the couch. If we were partying or out late, or having drinks at home and one thing led to another, she stayed in bed with me...many times falling asleep in my arms.
Lately, there are nights when she comes to bed with me, but if I go in first, she usually just falls asleep on the couch and stays there. Occasionally I will get up, tell her I am going to bed and ask her to come "sleep in our bed". Sometimes she will just get up and follow me in, other times she will say she will be in and never comes.
Last night she made homemade soup, we ate dinner, watched some TV and put some things together for camping this weekend. She had a couple of glasses of wine and was silly and talkative most of the night. I did not drink. Her legs were aching and tired from the trip to NYC, so offered to rub them for her, and we did end up in bed together last night...no ML...just a foot rub and a kiss goodnight.
I do believe it is a space thing, or just a hold out, in her mind...just her not ready to commit or something?
The question I have is did she used to spend every night on the couch? Or more nights than she is right now...or has the frequency remained the same?
Steady Missed your post this morning....see above.
I think since the bomb she sleeps in the bed more often, but since it goes back and forth so much, I honestly don't pay much attention to the frequency....guess I would still say the couch has the advantage.
Well...finishing up at work and off for camping in a couple of hours. All but one couple has chickened out because of the weather (nights; mid 30's), so it will be me, W and them. We are heading up tonight and will arrive well after dark, so it will be a bit of an adventure getting set up. The others are coming in the morning.
I have already been reminded a couple of times over the the last day or two to stop "worrying and over thinking" as we made the plans and got things together.
Have to tell myself to relax and go with the flow...have fun and let things go the way they go. The one thing that I know she does not like is my "OCD" when we do things like this, and the last thing I want is to remind her of any of the things that bother her about me.
We had a pretty normal week...for us anyway. Very little alcohol and lots of home time, yet there was still a pretty calm and relaxed atmosphere....mixed in with a little joking, some banter...dinners at home, tv, etc.
Hope everyone has a great weekend. The weather here in the Northeast is supposed to be great and the leaves are at peak, so I am looking forward to the woods and the weekend with my wife.
Family, food and fire.....and maybe a little tequila...what more do you need a cold fall night in the woods??
good luck and have a great weekend, relax and it will be great.
Me-39 STBXW-42 together 20yrs M-17 Kids-2 D-18 S-16 Bomb-96 Bomb-2005 bomb- 3/2008 for a year Separated 5/08 Filing in July Today.... Slowly learning a new life!
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
"Family, food and fire.....and maybe a little tequila...what more do you need a cold fall night in the woods??"
Your wife to tell you she is not leaving?
Just a guess.
And.. yes to the question you asked me a few days ago.
Have fun.. Lucky Cricket!
You know, I was not even thinking that the whole time we were away, wise guy.....wouldn't that have been nice, though? Her saying that while out in the woods, under the stars with a roaring fire?
Got back late Monday...wife was back to work Tuesday and I was off, but just never made it back here to update.
Working now and catching up, so I will be back to journal a little...it was a nice weekend.
Nope....we looked and looked for 3 days...wife was very disappointed, although I know she would have been scared sh**less if we heard one outside the tent while we were sleeping, it would have made a great story.....the only one she has to tell everyone now is me falling inside the tent and slamming my head on the ground....she got a kick out of that.
Having trouble putting into words my thoughts and feelings about this past weekend, and past few weeks, with my wife. We listened to this album driving up through the mountains, singing together at the top of our lungs.
Eddie Vedder - Into the Wild Soundtrack Hard Sun
The movie and the soundtrack are awesome...IMHO.
This song brings a tear to my eye every time.
When I walk beside her i am the better man when I look to leave her I always stagger back again once I built an ivory tower so I could worship from above and when I climbed down to be set free she took me in again
when she comes to greet me she is mercy at my feet when I see her pin her charm she just throws it back again once I sought an early grave to find a better land she just smiled and laughed at me and took her blues back again
when I go to cross that river she is comfort by my side when I try to understand she just opens up her eyes
once I stood to lose her when I saw what I had done bound down and flew away the hours of her garden and her sun so I tried to warn her i'll turn to see her weep 40 days and 40 nights and it's still coming down on me
there's a big a big hard sun beaten on the big people in the big hard world
