I haven't posted in a long time. I kept away from the web site for six months - on purpose - and it helped. But I wonder if Michele reads some of these postings and how she can keep her mouth shut.

Limbo - in Michele's book she talks about the "Limbo" stage and that is exactly what it is. You do not push through the Limbo stage...you just go through it.

TOH - here is how I get through it - prayer and doing what God tells me to do. I have been in this almost two years now.

Please take the time to ask God what he wants you to do and then listen for his answer. That is the key. Please listen for his answer. God has always given me an answer BUT I had to listen.

My husband lives at home. He never moved out of the house but he moved out of the bedroom. He is no closer today to moving back into the room than he was when he moved out over 20 months ago. BUT I have seen improvements.

He goes out to dinner with the OW almost everynight of the week. Thursday - Saturday he is out late partying with her. BUT everynight he comes home and sleeps in the house. I don't question him as to why...I thank God that he is here.

I quit coming to the site and spent the time that I was on the site praying and studying my Bible. It was a challenge I gave myself. I wondered what would happen in my life if I spent the time I was wasting on complaining - praying instead. When you start changing your prayer life...things in your life start changing. I now see a lot of progress.

Not coming here cost me - sure. I missed the whole thing about when MWG's husband moved back out again and why, etc.

TOH - here's why I came back to the site. The other day I was whining to God about how long this is taking. I want my family back. I want my husband back. I want, I want, I want...I sounded like a kid in the mall...WHINING. So God told me to go back to this site...and this is what I found. I found MWG is going through it again. I found you going through where I was a few months back. We are all going through it...and it is just taking time.

I was so taken back by what MWG is going through but I kept plowing through the posts that she is posting now and still find the amazing woman. BUT I asked God what was the lesson He had sent me here to learn. There is no one lesson. But I know that my whining is not going to help. I know that bothering my husband is not going to help. The only thing that is going to help is time. Time for God to work on me and time for God to work on my husband.

There is a pattern. God works on me...then he works on my husband. Sometimes the lessons are quick to learn...others have taken weeks.

I learned a life lesson about three weeks ago that I know was for my benefit as well as my husband's. It taught me about compassion. I'm going to need compassion and understanding for my husband when he finally realizes that he has a lot of clean up to do. Honestly he won't have to do it with me but he will have to do it with other family members, co-workers, and friends. The lesson left me broken. I cried for hours over it. I had hurt my family for years and I didn't realize it. I apologized to my husband over and over - via e-mail and he told me it was okay. Today - three weeks later and I'm still remembering what it felt like. And I know that it's so that when my husband finally comes to his senses I will understand the brokenedness that he is going to feel. Without my life lesson I can tell you that I would not have understood really how broken he will be.

TOH - I make it by praying. I have even learned how to pray for the other woman and her family. It was not easy at first and has only gotten easier in the last 8-9 weeks. Somedays I have to talk to God about how hard it is to pray for her before I can pray for her.

I also make it by crying. It's okay to cry but I usually do it alone.

I also cry for the broken person my husband is. If he wasn't broken we wouldn't be going through this. Something in his life is worse than what is in my life. Even with the recent passing of my mother I can still see that my husband is more broken than me. Somewhere deep inside of him is something that needs to be fixed. I can't fix it. Only God and time can. And when there has been enough time for healing within him with God guiding him then my husband will move on to the next thing in his life. It may be then that he will want to fix the marriage...but then again...there may be something else in his life that needs to be fixed and again he will have to go through the cycle...letting time heal and God guiding him.

This journey is about you. Try to get your eyes off of your husband and concentrate on you. Pray for you. Stop thinking about a divorce. If you don't want it...don't pursue it. Let him do the work. (I read somewhere that 80% of the divorces in the world are brought to completion by the females. That should tell you something.) I had to stop thinking this way myself.

TOH - I'm not excited about my married life right now but I'm thankful for what I have. I have a husband who is at home and he doesn't talk about moving out or even downstairs...which is a full apartment. He pays the bills (2 years ago he told me he wasn't going to pay the bills anymore. I took them over for about 9 months and then he took them back. I call it progress.). When we need something at the store he either picks it up or he puts it on the grocery list that is on the frig (something we all have learned to do since this all started). He feeds the animals. He asks about my family, talks to my dad on the phone from time to time, etc. A lot of women would be really happy with what I have...so I stopped whining...as much. I still get tired. I still get disappointed. I still get upset when he mentions the OW...I don't bring her up anymore. (I have learned - the hard way - that if I do bring her up it will be a set back of about 8 weeks. I've learned that I don't want to go through that again.) I keep praying. I pray more now than I've ever prayed.

TOH - be kind to yourself. It is hard. Maybe we are using the wrong words. Keep searching for the right way to do this. It will come to you. What works for others may not work for you but it's a process. You will get there. Don't give up.