I am certainly glad there were some "positive" posts in response to my issue. Reading through the "negative" posts can be quite depressing. I must confess - I had to take an absence from this forum for two reason... (1) my sex drive decreased due to increased stress which caused wife and I to me more in sync. (2) it seemed I was doing a lot of time defending my wife here. Every time I posted something I didn't like about my current situation people would start calling me to arms to go out and fight the battle. To be honest, I'm sure a lot of there were right and those battles should be fought - however, I know there is a time and a place for every battle and sometimes you have to ask yourself if it is really worth it.
So, basically what I am getting from this "game" that my wife has started is still the same. She is tired of "milk toast man" - she wants us to have a better sex life. This is a big advance from where I was 2 years ago when I was on this forum before. Back then, she her attitude was "once a month is good for me...take it or leave it"
I have created a situation where our entire sex life is her responsibility - I use all kinds or rules and measures to determine if it's the "right time" to ask/initiate. She has always said the same thing... YOU need to initiate when YOU want to. I want to feel like YOU are doing this, not waiting for me to do this or that or so many days to pass.
So, I was "about to" speak with her about our recent decrease in sex - but, she beat me to it... well, I'm always "about to" everything when it comes to our sex life... I'm "about to" initiate or "about to" man up or "about to" make her feel like a woman. But, I don't... there is a big difference between "about to" and "doing something"
So, since she is actively "doing something" about our relationship with a goal that is positive and something I want as well (being a more confident man and having more sex) - I am willing to play her game for now.
I have set up my own rules for this game though - so, don't think I am totally in for a whipping.
Someone said that she has elected herself judge, jury, and executioner - well, she has... but, that does not mean I have to go along with it. So far, she has just called it like it is. When I do some lame attempt at initiating she calls it like it is. When I am confident and manly she purrs like a kitten. If that ever changes I will be the first to call "foul" - if I am doing something that in my mind is a good attempt that I am proud of and she calls "poor attempt" I will contest it. So far she is just calling it like it is... when I go in there and do some last minute... gee ya wanna... she let's me know. Truth is, I pretty much know going in there how it's going to turn out - and that's the point she is trying to make. If you are going to do some wimpy - half-a%% attempt - how is that going to do anything towards getting her turned on.
As for the comments on her manipulating me into the man she wants and then not being happy because she made me that way. Well, that is not likely since she does not tell me what she "wants" - I have tried in the past to take the easy way out..."just tell me how to do it and what you want and then I'll do it that way and you'll be happy" - her answer is always "I'm not going to tell you how to initiate - you have to develop that yourself in your own way..."
So, my attempt Wednesday night was super lame. And yes, to the cries of many on this forum... I slept on the couch. But, last night I said the right things and touched the right places and she purred. I felt good, I was confident, she liked it. I will not be on the couch tonight. Now, whether "Fred" will be gone or not is another issue.
And to the person that said "if it's that time of the month she should substitute with other - oral, etc" - that has never been part of our routine (sex without intercourse) so, it's not something I'm going to introduce in the middle of this game. If, however this really does go on for 365 days I will definitely be introducing some non-intercourse offers in there since I don't see us increasing our frequency to 20 days a month and I certainly can't let her get away with "that was a great initiation, but I'm tired" 20 days a month.
To clear up that last sentence, I really can't see this going for 365 days since the last time she setup every Friday date nights that only lasted two months.
