The unhappiness that they felt - I still feel guilty about that. I never wanted him to be unhappy or hurt. It was unintentional, I think from both (most) of us. But it was there. My x gave up his home, his money, time with kids, his parents, his integrity and standing, the list goes on and on. But given his options, he feels that this is the better one for him. That shows me how much he was hurting.
The main difference is in how each partner in the marriage deals with the pain. The people who leave feel that that is the only option. We see chances to work it out, that love can be restored. It is a difference in values. And I don't think any of us can influence that.
As for us, PTSD....I really think so. It was what I suffered through, I am pretty sure. And like recovery of that, at first the "re-enactment" happens randomly, then only from certain triggers. I hope to build up tolerance to exposure, so sometime in the future I can work with this man around kids' issues.
