Ok, you have gotten to your limit. Then, PLEASE just go totally dark on her. All business. This will be hard for you, but if you are still leaving the light on, that means you still want a chance. By going dark, and making her feeeeel her choice now, there may be a chance. Also, and I feel like I say this on deaf ears, don't move toward a relationship with another woman right now.
If your W asks why you are acting "funny" you can say that you are angry about what this is doing to the kids and you are doing the best you can with what she has chosen to do. You are NOT going to pretend that things are fine and dandy when they are NOT. Tell her, "You don't want to be my wife, you are with another man while we are still married, so I can't act like I am your husband."
