I haven't updated in a few days now. Nothing really going on. Just working and doing the family/house thing.
Not much change at all in the R. We're kind of in a holding pattern - hanging out, getting along well, taking care of the kids and the house. Mostly just normal day-to-day stuff.
A few nights ago, after we said goodnight, she rolled over and gave me a kiss and a hug and we held each other for a little while. It was nice and it's something that hasn't happened in quite a while.
Other than that no real changes. Just thought I'd chime in to let you know I'm still around.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
I was just thinking about you today and wondering how you were doing. I assumed since my M/R was just moving along slowly and not much was happening that yours was also. Keep up with being the best dad, husband, person you can be. Sounds like your doing well.
Haven't had much time to get on this site but I try to check in once in a while. My sitch is moving along slowly without much change in either direction. But I'd have to say it's probably moving forward somewhat just not in an increment I can recognize. I know it will take time for my W to heal and get past things that occurred in the past so I guess the passing of time has an effect on that.
We have MC on Monday and I'm hoping the C will have some advice as to how to move it forward a bit.
We've just been busy doing the everyday house and kid stuff and have been spending some time together watching TV and talking.
I'm glad your sitch is still moving forward, even though it may be at a slower pace than you'd like. It seems mine is not moving forward at a speed I would like but it's not really frustrating me - well maybe just a little bit.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
Found this quote from one of the 'quotes threads' here. Seems fitting for where my R is at.
Quote:
Often times, I've found that some of the times we feel like we're not moving forward are times we are helping to build our foundation back up, stronger and better than ever -Jamesjohn
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
Found this quote from one of the 'quotes threads' here. Seems fitting for where my R is at.
Quote:
Often times, I've found that some of the times we feel like we're not moving forward are times we are helping to build our foundation back up, stronger and better than ever -Jamesjohn
Hey Steady How are you? Seems no news is good news, eh?? Same for me...went camping last weekend and have not been on here much since. Still lots of time with wife with more normal days filling in the time, but we are still partying a bit too much. She is still calm, cool and relaxed....and of course that keeps me "steady".
That quote is exactly what has been on my mind the last couple of weeks....the "foundation" seems to getting rebuilt...the good blocks, little by little, replacing the weak and crumbling ones...LOL...maybe??
Well I backslid a bit last night. My W's new thing is to spend Friday nights at her parents house and sleeping over there with the kids - they did that last week and yesterday. Last Friday after work I drove home with my FIL and stayed at his house with my W and kids. Then my FIL and I left on Saturday morning for work. On Fridays we work till 7pm and don't get home until 9pm or so.
So last night the plan was for me to sleep at the IL's house like we did last week. When we got there my W was very drunk. I got really annoyed so I went into the bedroom to change. I say in there for a while and my W came in. I looked at her and asked, "How much did you drink tonight? You look really drunk." She said, "I guess I am."
I said, "It seems to me everytime you get around alcohol you get drunk. Last Friday night when you were here you were drunk. Then last Sunday night you got wasted. Then Tuesday you bought a six pack of Mike's Hard Lemonade and drank all of them that night. I think you have a drinking problem."
She said, "If you don't like it you can just leave." I said, "I guess I can." Then I started to collect up the stuff she had brought to the house for me - clothes and stuff. She walked out of the room. About a minute later she came back into the room and we started talking again. I told her she was in denial about her drinking and asked why she had to drink like this. She said she knows that she's getting drunk and it's because it's Friday night and she's stressed from work and she has a life that is totally stressful.
I told her that it's not a healthy way to deal with stress. I asked her if that's what she wants to teach our children - when life gets stressful just get drunk. I told her she wasn't being responsible. She said, "How am I not being responsible. Am I not taking care of taking care of the kids?" I didn't respond to that because being responsible goes much further than just taking care of the kids.
She then said, "The drinking wasn't a problem until you stopped drinking. When we were drinking together it was ok. Now that you can't drink it seems like its suddenly become a problem." I told her it wasn't (not a problem) - it caused alot of problems. I told her I didn't expect her to see what I was saying and that she'll rationalize her behavior in all sorts of ways.
She then said I told her she can't drink. I said I didn't say that she can't drink. I said I was concerned that every time she does drink she gets drunk.
She told me that Thursday she was going to tell me not to come on Friday to her mom's house but she didn't want to hurt my feelings. She said she wanted a night away from me and just spend it with her mother. I didn't say this to her, but I think that's BS. The only reason she doesn't want me there is because she want's to be able to get drunk and not have me pointing out that she has a drinking problem. I've given her plenty of opportunity to have time away from me but she doesn't take it.
She then said, "Why are you looking at me like I just slapped you in the face?" I said, "Because you just did." She then said, "Well you can leave."
So I grabbed the rest of my stuff and said goodnight to my S and left. I didn't even bother saying goodbye to my W. I drove home and watched a little TV then went to sleep.
Of course I started to catastrophize about the interaction and started thinking about how I'm going to live outside of the house, us not being together, visiting my kids, etc... this line of thinking sucked. I told myself to stop catastrophizing - it was only a single event. It took a while but I managed to change my thinking and fall asleep.
Right when I was about to leave this morning my W left a message on my cell and asked if I could bring some Children's Tylenol with me because our S is sick.
When I got to the house my W was making the beds and I said hello to my S and D. I went into the bedroom and said good morning to my W. I went into the kitchen and sat down and poured myself a cup of coffee. My W came in after a little while and sat down and we had some small talk. Then she told me that she told our S that I had forgotten something back at our house because he asked why I wasn't there. I told her to just tell him I went home.
What I wanted to say was just tell him that daddy doesn't like mommy getting drunk so often and she told him to leave. Of course I didn't say this.
My D came in and sat on my lap then my W said she was going to take a shower. I said ok goodbye then. She said, "Oh that's right, you'll be leaving soon." She came over and gave me a kiss. It felt more like an obligatory kiss...but that may be just my interpretation from the mindset I was in. I left a few minutes later for work.
Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut about the whole issue. I know it's the only source of conflict in our R. And everytime I bring it up it causes negativity in the R. I'm not really sure why it bothers me so much. Maybe it shouldn't and I need to find a way to just accept it.
My W just called me at work. It was my S on the phone when I answered and he wanted to tell me he went under the water in his swimming lesson. I talked to him for a little bit and figured he would just hang up, but my W got the phone from him and we talked for a bit. It was an upbeat conversation about what they did in the morning before the swimming lesson. Her grandmother is coming this weekend and staying at her mom's house and I offered to watch the kids so she could go over there tonight to hang out with them. She thanked me and said she'd think about it. Overall the conversation went alright and nothing was mentioned about last night.
So much for me catastrophizing the conflict.
I know I've brought up this issue before and said I should just let it be for now - I'll eventually learn to just follow through with my plan of not tackling the drinking issue until later on. I know the R is still fragile and confronting her on this issue will only cause backsliding.
Anyway, that's the update.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
