I still believe in miracles

[istherehope]

Thanks Sep,

I really did think it was a great night! Sex twice in a night is always good. The 2nd time was really good because at first it was a spontaneous cuddle. I think he realized what he was doing though, and that's why he started it so he could stop cuddling :). In fact when I got online this morning I even saw that H had continued to IM me after I closed the laptop, asking what I was making him for dinner...the whole exchange was so normal like we lived together. His thing with that now is, it's only comfortable to be with me, the in-love feeling isn't there. It's pretty frustrating. There is a physical attraction, a comfort, common interests, a shared life etc. Not sure what else he thinks there should be...

He's online now and hadn't reached out. I decided to send one more brief email, in the hopes that it would smooth things over. I sent this:

"I think I'll just book a hotel for this coming Monday, a cheap one by the airport as I have to fly out early the next morning anyway. I was insensitive here not thinking about how close the dates fell together and how that might be pressuring. I'm sorry."

He just IMd me right after, "sorry if I was mean; I just get really confused about the dates." I said, "I understand, you're cool, well not really but you know what I mean :)." I was trying to be jokey. We went back and forth with some links to sites that he likes etc., and made reference (sorry if this is TMI) to some supposedly very bad oral something that I provided last night. He said I needed to upskill. Anyway glad that was thrown in there as it lightened the mood a bit. I also showed a lot of excitement over the links that he sent me. Hmm he also said we'd talk over the weekend, and he'd give me a call. I'm not sure I actually want that, as it's likely to lead to R talk. I think we're better if we don't go there. At this point I am seriously going to book the hotel tomorrow, and send him the link to the booking reference. If he asks me to stay then, that is 100% his decision.

Anyway, who knows what he's really thinking. I'm not sure that I would WANT to know!!! I am still not sure why I'm so scary to be around. Last night I did everything right, didn't complain when he left the light on late, didn't try to talk while he was going to sleep, said nothing pressuring etc.

OK going to try and get some work done now, after I visit your thread.

ITH