What an OUTSTAAAANDING thread! Us Winebutts need to drop and give you 50 pushups cause we were so stupid in not bringing this up in this manner.

One of the saddest things is many will refuse to take the cold anlaytical approach to our own toxic behavior (and I used to lead this sorry procession)
Thus will
* meet up with another person of the fairer sex
* trade stories of how the former partner did us wrong
* Decide to fix their problem not realizing we do not have the tools to do so
* Sleep with them thus complicating and sealing the deal
* Have the toxic behavior creep in and the new partner tells us things striking similar to what the previous X did
* now have a new X-Wife, Girlfriend, whatever
And the cycle begins anew. What lessons can we learn from this?

Anyone here can contribute here cause
* If you are the LBS or WAS you can contribute
* This fits into finding the toxic behavior you did that caused the problem so you can work on what to do a 180 on!
* To know where you want to end up one must take an honest appraisal to where they been. Not covering up with excuses or anything. If you are 2% wrong then here you can look for the 2%. This is not to beat yourself up but a technical no BS analysis type step one to get yourself back on track. Again OUTSTANDING.

With that said my bads.
1. PROFESSIONAL VICTIM. It's always the other's fault.
2. PRAISE JUNKIE. Always looked to be the hero or the guy whom the ladies would sneek a peak. Never cheated but was short in this area.
3. NOT MAKING AN EMOTIONAL CONNECTION. Unless you are willing to do that don't get married. Reguardless of trust, fear, or what then do not do that.
4. HUMBLE UP. Sometimes after being backed in a corner you do not care and never admit fault. If the other is hyprocrytical and never admits no worries "YOU CAN ONLY CHANGE WHAT YOU DO"
5. EXPECTING A CERTAIN REACTION: You do actions reguardless of what the other persons reactions are. Like pushing out a vehicle from a snowbank and they do not thank you. The thanks then becomes a payment and the action was a transaction not a gift cause you expected something in return though it was not much.
6. NOT BEING THERE.
Sorry for the Military, police, FF, and such folks. If you get married the travel jobs and such no matter how much you try are not enough and that extra money will feed the court system. OUCH. Time is your most valuable asset and your best gift. If you cannot give it your partner and kids will take note.
7. NOT MAKING A SPIRITAL CONNECTION.
Statistics from all faiths
1st Marriage 50% fail rate
1st Marriage of Professing Christians 50% fail rate
1st Marriage of people of any faith who pray together at least 3-4 X weekly. .04%
2nd Marriage fail rate 60%
3rd Marriage fail rate 75%

(Stats From a Men's organization dedicated to making men do the right things with family, kids, and such and stop attempting to satisfy themselves first.)

My X did take us off the cliff but I ran us up to it then tried to pull back. I've been told with many ladies once they make that decision to leave the men are just dancing with a dead relationship. I do hope for many's sake that Michelle's tatics do work and change that but I feel it is a steep uphill battle. I believe even if the spouse's decision is made one must try them. How hard and how long you try is up to you, spouse, and your maker.

This is independent of abuse and illegal activities which was not present in my case.

DO I want to do this in order to have a successful relationship in the future. No I'm lazy and I've got used to being alone. There are other things occupying my time that trip my trigger more than a committed connected relationship.
However most of you folks do wish on and that is a good thing but and please post here as step 1. It's like doing your homework.
OUTSTANDING THREAD

"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work"
Steve Martin