Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
This afternoon has been a little hard. I am doing great most of the time, but every once in a while it hits me again. I miss him, the big dumb idiot that he is.
But I also know I will still be fine...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I am so tired! It seems now that I have gone permanent at the job, the work is neverending, but I am loving every minute of it!
No word from H. That is okay though. I miss him, but really don't want to talk to him either. It is strange. Sometimes the hurt still overwhelms me, but on the other hand, most of the time I am doing well. I think I am beginning to finally heal.
And one of the best things is I am not getting calls from damned creditors all day! it is exhausting, being broke. I wish I could win the lottery so I could just pay everything off and disappear into the world.
Of course, that isn't going to happen...but it is a nice dream!
Speaking of dreams, I had another strange one last night. H was still in Germany doing his training, and I was kissing another man. All of a sudden, H was trying to get me on my cell, but I missed the call, and because he was overseas I couldn't call him back.
Hmmmmm...
I wonder what the heck all of that means.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Being busy is a mixed blessing. It helps keep your mind focused somewhere besides your own situation.
I hear ya on the dreams. It's so annoying to wake up with a vivid dream stuck in your head that you try to analize all day long. Probably not worth the frustration.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Probably not...lol!!! I just find them interesting...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Hey Julia: There are a few reasons I am dark. Yes, H mentioned the D word again. We were in a good place, and he uses that to back off.
Mostly it is becasue the emotional rollercoaster is killing me. I am so tired of the up and down. I was very angry in the beginning of the week, but have calmed down since them. I think I am at the point of saying either way, I will be okay. I love my H with all my heart. But I also cannot just be his friend. I am his wife. If he doesn't want me to be his wife, he cannot have it both ways. I cannot stay in his life so I can be around just when he needs me. I have to be able to need him too, and right now, I can't. So it is better for me, and my heart, to not talk to him right now.
I will take a look at the thread...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
