Ok about the mop and salad dressing - thought it might of been a couple of little small things that became monumental in wifes world. Thought I may of provoked some new thoughts in your quest for answers.
Quote:
hat might sound pigheaded, but I tried, I looked, and I just don't see it. Must I eat everything she eats? Must I do EXACTLY the same thing as her? These were things we talked about at the dinner table, once. Tiny things. These were not ongoing conflicts.
I know they are tiny but they may of not been for your W. No you don't have to eat what she eats but don't make a fuss ( you may not have ) Make light of differences. Could blind fold kids and get them to do taste test on which is best dressing - just for family fun....... I suppose my point is, that we dont expect men to have opinions on mops etc. Our domain. Could I liken it to your W pulling all the sparkplugs out of the family cars and replacing them with the ones she likes. Little thing to her ( she believes car runs more efficiently) could be huge to you. Is she undermining your ability as a man to run the cars correctly ?
I dont know - just a shot in the dark
I cannot believe your W OM. It is amazing, your story is my story in reverse. My Om and his W were family friend ( they still would like to be - little sick ) He worked but not a high achiever but he liked to pretend he was. His W had an A 10 years ago and for some reason he told me and only me about it. His W knew i knew and that I knew her OM but in all our days , holidays , picnics etc we never talked about it.I told my H . for the next 8 years I was quietly pursued by Om and was often warned by my H to be careful. One day he came on to me and I was feeling very vulnerable and I responded. It was EA for 7 months.
We were in PA on 2 occasions of which he also could not complete. My H finds this very hard to believe and so i was fasinated when you said - this often happens . Why does this happen ?
Quote:
She didn't want to be married. She was checked out. It wasn't that the man was better than me. It was that he was different. He was not me. *Anyone* would have sufficed.
My OM would often say that too me. I did not believe him. But he was right. I can even remember the day my emotional switch with my H went off. There was not a darn thing he could of done to stop me. I was finished and relieved that I had found something better. I believe I hated H. I believed he had never listened to a word i said when I was in pain or wanting more from marriage. I took his silence and buried head to think he was just doing his own thing and that in some way he was controlling my life. To a certain extent this was true.
It is wrong about visitation. Here it has become quite common for 2 things to happen:
1. The family home is maintained and each parent moves in for a week at a time. In thier off week the spouse usually boards with a friend or family member , thus keeping costs down .That way the kids are not unsettled.
2. The kids spend week about or fortnight about at each parents house. Everyone has to live in close proximity . Creates some stability in an otherwise upside down world for them.
In both situations no one pays child support. A joint account can be created for general expenses, such as clothes, school stuff.
Any chance of you working on something like that.
Quote:
I will have a great relationship with my kids.
At the end of the day that will be what counts. Be very careful if you do find someone else.Any time spent with them is time with your kids. I wonder if you can recall how your W was during her A.
How did she treat you and the kids ? What was her moods like?
