Hello, sorry Ive been ellusive. I feel overwhelmed and confused lately, I cant really explain.
Hope3343, thanks for your concern and reply. I hope you and D are adjusting to H moving out, but sounds like he's still around on a regular basis. I still dont know how you do it. I have had no contact with H since Sat morning at ballfield. He came over to visit kids Wed afternoon. I made sure I was not present. Its harder when I see him or talk to him, plus I want so bad to give him a chance to really miss me. When this all came crashing down, H said he still wanted to be a "friend". He has been anything but. Oh yeah, did I mention? I was so relieved to have baseball season end - no longer would I have to look at that OW at the games. Well, basketball season is starting and half that baseball team will be playing basketball for my H this winter - including OW's son! My friends and even their H whose sons play ball for my H all say "what is he thinking!?!" I guess neither my H or OW have no shame. Oh well, at least they dont sell alcohol at basketball games.
marisol- I havent heard of reconciliation paperwork - explain little more ? Ive just been in limbo until I actually get served. I refuse to file and I will not pay for atty until that day comes, but it has been a month now since we sat and had a discussion about his atty consult and preliminaries on visitation and child support. How long does it take to serve the official papers? This is driving me crazy and Im afraid to ask H , b/c I dont want him to think Im pushing it.
GALing: continue to see my T - working on assertiveness training go to personal trainer about 2x/week for strength training- wt lifting. LOVE IT! She wont let me kickbox or do any intense cardio, including running just yet. Must gain back more wt first. Im gonna look SO HOT!
really love the new church and so do twins. will take S14 for first time this Sun. Hope he likes it too - they have great teen group with worship on Sun eves just for the teens. Talking with pastor on regular basis. He called earlier this week to check on me and informed me a gentleman that I knew visited church last Sun (I was not there- working) He was concerned it might be OW's crazy H pursuing me again ( I had warned pastor about this ). He told me he met with this gentleman for lunch on Monday and told me his name. This guy's son plays ball for my H as well and is also going through D. This is not OW's H. He found out about this church though me and told pastor he was amazed how well I seemed to cope though my adversity and wondered if it must be God helping me though. He has been trying to find a church for himself and his children while he tries to cope though his D. He is really nice guy- we have not spoken alot , but at the same time, too much in common emotionally here. I gotta be careful. But even before this revelation, I am starting to struggle with whether or not I even want my M anymore. I know my H frequently deserved better that what I had to offer. I guess being co-dependent exhausts you emotionally. Yet I frequently deserved better too, and I still do. I just cant put up with it anymore. Im feeling forced to choose : God or H? Ours was a mixed marriage - me the believer and my H the non- believer. I know God hates D , but were we ever REALLY married in God's eyes anyway?
Im so sorry girls to rain on the parade . You are all so strong , dont give up. Every one of our circumstances are just a little different although they seem alot alike. You're right Hope, only we can decide when enough is enough.
