I didn't get to update after my session because I had to go into work earlier than planned. That's ok though, more money for me!
The session this morning went pretty well. We focused a lot on me and what I want to change about myself. My two big issues are being too controlling (about everything not just hubby) and having too mant expectations, which seem to be kind of the same thing. I have expectations and then when they go unmet I try to control everything else to compensate for the unmet expectation which then leads to stress and anxiety and usually a fight with the hubby. It's complicated but also very simple. I just need to learn to manage my stress in a healthy way.
My counselor wants me to learn deep breathing tecniques for when I am stressed and suggests I try to pair it with prayers. Like deep breath in "Lord please help me give up this desire to control" and then breath out slowly and completly. And just do this whenever I get stressed. She wants me to also listen to my body and try and figure out how my body reacts to stress physically, where I can start to feel the stress. If I know my triggers I can use them to help me calm down and recenter myself before I let my anxiety get out of control.
It was all very interesting.
She did not want to talk too much about hubby because these sessions are supposed to be about me and the changes I can make since I have no power over him. Makes sense but sometimes all I seem to want to do is talk about hubby. We did talk about his seemingly sudden shift in attitude as far as the future talk, desire to move in together, etc. She said that she thinks he might be realizing that I am the only one here for him and that right now he is in a vulnerable place and wants to hold onto the one stable person he has had in his life and that it might not mean that he is really wanting the marriage back but rather is looking for something to hold onto. That is not exactly how she phrased it but that is the basic message. She did not say it was a bad thing but kinda a warning to me I guess. I'm still not sure how I feel about that. It could be true to an extent but he seems more than fine about going away for training, happy even. I don't know. It's hard to tell with that man.
I'm gonna go every two weeks now so that we can space out my remaining four sessions. She was very positive that she believes I can make these changes and that it will just take time and practice but that the first and most important step is being open and willing to change. So that is good.
After work I just went out with a friend. Got a new coat. Had dinner. Watched a movie. Yada yada. Nothing crazy but it was nice to see her as it had been awhile. A GAL night I suppose, although hubby and I have been texting back and forth most of the day, off and on, nothing important though.
I started the letter last night. I went to bed and couldn't sleep and then the words starting popping into my head. Lol. Hate when that happens. I will try to finish it tomorrow evening and post it here for consideration.
