For the Guy with Kids and a WW Diez y Seis

[hopeful4her]

Drama at the apartment again.

I emailed the wife after lunch.

"Hi. Just wanted to let you know that I'm not going to get out until after 6.

Hope your day is going well. I wish I was in bed."

She replies at about 5pm.

"Sorry. Its been busy and I just checked my emails. We are short staffed. I didn't even take a break today. Thats fine. I just talked to the kids. They are fine. I will get off at 5:30 or 5:45.

Hope your feeling better today."

Then she calls me just as I arrive at the apartment. She says that 5:30 turned into 6:30. She just left work. She is talking about gas prices. Blah blah. I say ok. She says that she'll be home shortly.

I think she was trying to imply that we shouldn't be in such a hurry to leave.

Before she got there, I see calls from OM at about 8 and 9. Almost always twice. I also see a call from her cell at about 12:30 to the apartment.

Hmmmm. I doubt it was to check her messages.

In a nut shell(like that is going to make my post shorter ), D11 and S14 were getting on each others nerves again. I scolded both of them. The wife backed me up on it, too. I was on a roll getting on both of them. The wife would say things too, but she was more like that big dude in the back going, "YEAH!" in a deep voice. Remember Trading Places?

All the while, the wife had made the kids something to eat, since D6 and I were trying to finish her homework. Since I got off so late, I figured we'll just finish there since it would be late by the time we got home. I kept checking my watch when she said she would just make them dinner. I said ok.

The wife keeps getting texts. About 3 of them. She looks and ignores. She even turned the ringer off after the second one. You can see the face lighting up on the third. She looks at it and turns it over. House phone rang once. She looked at it and didn't answer. No message left, though.



Anyway, D11 gets upset and walks off finally, after her mom got on her again. I call her back and she is starting to cry. She starts to say how life is so hard. Why can't it be easy. Basically what followed was an R talk about the wife and I. The wife trying to justify. I'm just listening. She takes all the blame again, as usual.

"It was me! Not your dad. It was me."

D11 at one point tried to blame herself. We both tell her that that isn't true. The wife takes the blame again. I cut in and tell the wife to stop doing that.

D11 says, "Yeah. Why do you keep taking the blame?"
"Because I don't want you to think that you had anything to do with your dad and I being apart. I'LL take all the blame instead."

Now she is the martyr.

The wife was asking D11,
"Remember what we talked about yesterday? That I decided, but that it has helped you and your dad get closer. That your dad is taking care of himself? Having fun again? Someday your going to find out that when you have a boyfriend or are married, that it takes both to make it work. You can't force someone to do something they don't want."

I was trying so hard for it not to turn into something else in front of the kids.

By this time, S14 decided to leave and go roller blading.

He came up in conversation too. How he handles things differently. D11 was saying that he doesn't say anything. The wife tells her that they HAVE talked. He is just different.

The wife then asks, "What would you want me to do? Move back home? That would be the answer?"

I start to tell D11 that we(D11 and I) have talked about things before. Several times. We have to deal with other peoples decisions. We can only take care of ourselves. Things went on for a while. The wife just made her self out to be so selfish. I had to hold back a couple times about an OM.

At one point, the wife put her head in her hands. Dejected. Sad. D11 starts to say, "See! Everytime I say something, it turns out bad. Now your sad."
The wife says, "Yes, I'm sad about things too. But I WANT you to talk. Get things out."

I agreed with her. Several times, I would give the wife a look like, you are so dumb. She looked back with her defensive face.

She then asks D11, "What can I do? What do you want me to do? Do I need to work less? Spend more time here with ya'll? I work a little extra when I know you dad is picking ya'll up. 15 minutes extra adds up. I'm also trying to work something different. Like a different position maybe. I know ya'll have a hard time adjusting. Your dad and I are doing our best to share you. It seems like it is hard for ya'll a week at a time. I know ya'll miss the puppies, too. But going back and forth, like you don't have time to settle in."
D11 says, "I just don't want to even come home."
"What. You mean you don't want to be HERE?"
"I don't want either. I just want to be outside."


The wife then talked a bit about how SHE doesn't have friends, either. But that SHE decided that. Some friends were bad influences anyway. She'd rather be alone that out partying and stuff.

Again, the blood was pouring out of my lip.

Things calmed down. It wasn't crazy. We weren't yelling. In fact, D6 was still doing homework at the table and I kept going over her to her to help her. Then head back to the kitchen where we were talking. The wife asked me if I wanted something to eat. I declined.

I begin to say that we need to get going. Gather things. After a while, the wife starts to say things like,
"Come on. Your dad is wanting to leave already." Like a little huffy that I want to leave. I started to play with D11. We are having fun again. Trying to tickle each other. Laughing. We just LOVE messing with each other. I sit down on the sofa and wait because the wife talks to all the kids individually as she is hugging them, quietly before were out the door. She stays in the apartment. She tells me goodbye. I give her my aloof "disappointed in ya'" look and give a quick wave.

At home, S14 in his room on the phone as usual. D6 in bed, I am cooking dinner for tomorrow. I sit and talk with D11 a little. I ask her opinion. About what I should do with mom. Does she think that I should just give up? She gives me a look like, "Hello? What do YOU think?"

I tell her that I have tried, but mom makes her own decisions. I am sorry that it is like this, but we have to deal with it. I still care about her mom.
"You shouldn't. She doesn't care about you."

I agreed.

"You should just stop talking to her. Maybe she'll miss you and wonder why you don't talk to her."

Is she smart or what?

I let her know that I have done that somewhat, but that I don't think it matters.

"I don't think mom will care if I don't talk to her. She probably has someone to talk to anyway."

I tell her that mom just has a lot of issues that she is going to have to work on. She says she is happy, but that maybe she isn't. That D11 has to speak her mind to her.
"If you don't let her know how you feel, she just thinks that everything is hunky dory. 'Look how everyone is so happy for me.' She is going to think that everyone has no problem with what she decided. Thats why you have to get things out, sometimes. Everyone ISN'T happy with her. She has lost a lot of friends. Some good, some its good that she did." We kind of change subjects. She is so happy when we are together. I'm sure she is with her mother too, but it just seems more so with us.

I really don't think that I want to be with someone that would put our kids through this and keep trying to justify it. That is just F'ing sad of her. What kind of mother is she, like OM's wife asked her.

I HAVE to let her go. She is ill and just clueless about what she has done to ALL of us.

I don't want her anymore.

And BTW, no goodnight call to mom to say goodnight tonight, so I know she'll call us in the morning. I mean them. I halfway expected her to call tonight and ask how the girls were doing. I had a nice sarcastic reply ready for her.

"They are just great. So happy with their life and what they are being put through. But does it really matter? YOUR the one that is happy, right? What matters is you."

Whatever.

Good thing she didn't call. Hope she is having fun. Alone or with him. It's all worth it to her, either way.