When I got home he was working in the office... I could tell he seemed depressed and I was actually in a great mood and had missed my girls... his cake got delivered to the house and I had him come in the kitchen ... when he opened the box he smiled from ear to ear and said.. how cool!!! (it was a dallas cowboy hat cake - just like one of the ones he wears all the time)
He then opened his cards and started making the crying face and teared up ( I gave him two ) I didn't write too much in them but I did say I hope he focuses on getting healthier and on the other one something about our marriage wasn't that bad we just didn't make it a priority the last two years (backslid) and I did sign one card " your family loves you" - now I wish I hadn't...
He opened his gifts which were picture of the girls and he started crying again, and the book I gave him... then he saw his watch that I had bought him a year ago (nice watch) but the battery had been out for months now and I got a new battery and he almost started crying again and teared up and then put the watch on....
Another thing I shouldn't have done is when he was crying or eyes watering up I hugged him and he hugged back ... gosh I think I had said - it will be ok... i love you... WHY did I say that ... b/c he was upset and I should have just let him feel and shouldn't have said a thing... AHHHH
but I was glad to get tears but when he left he just said thanks ... no hug and he said I'm sure I'll talk to you tomorrow but I'm not calling him on his b-day and I think if he calls I'm not talking or calling him back... I need to back up and detatch a bit... ???
WHY do I feel the need to still be so nice after all the pain and hell he has put me and our girls through... WHY??????
I'm glad I left him with a good note and something to think about on his 4 hour drive tomorrow... hate that he leaves our house and goes to OW house... OH he did look at an apt today and started to want to tell me about it and I said I would rather not talk about it today.. that I'm in a good mood and can we discuss it next week?
how bad did I do??? what is he thinking... what are the tears about.. he has been depressed all week turning 40 doesn't help.. how can he be with OW and fake it or put on a smile..
do I talk to him when he calls over the weekend or do I ignore??
Me: 38/H:40 M:7yrs TG: 10yrs 2Girls: 4yr & 7 month old Bomb 8/22/08 OW/EA/PA 8/23/08 with 25yr old Moved out 9/22/08
