Good job HTTE. I think for where you are, you did just right with the birthday and just right to tell her that when the kids are older, they will in fact know about what she did and that she destroyed their world, not you.
For W's birthday, I made a cake and cooked dinner, but, we haven't had things out yet. That will be tomorrow. I'm both looking forward to this and dreading this conversation/confrontation tomorrow.
Thanks for the support. I do think the birthday part went well.
I've been doing too much thinking and I don't feel much of anything but a huge weight pressing down on me.
Time to bust out the PMA and just keep going. I'm trying to practice "dark" I'll get it right eventually. My spark of hope is still there...Small but there.
Me:34 W:31 d's 5 & 10 M: 5 years, T: 8, Bomb1 3/8/08,#2:3/28/08 Asked 4 D:4/19/08, discovered PA 5/8/08,W moved out 6/30/08 W pregnant by OM: 2/17/08
I'm doing ok thes days...I made a few key choices for myself last week and also recognized some cheeseless tunnels I had been heading down.
I'm really just going to start worrying less and keep the positive coming.
I had a great weekend with the girls.
Just some info. I went out thursday night and had a great time. W asked if she could just stay. I said sure...she mentioned the spair bed but was in my bed when I got home. I admit to putting my arm around her again.
Last edited by HopefultotheEnd; 10/13/0805:31 PM.
Me:34 W:31 d's 5 & 10 M: 5 years, T: 8, Bomb1 3/8/08,#2:3/28/08 Asked 4 D:4/19/08, discovered PA 5/8/08,W moved out 6/30/08 W pregnant by OM: 2/17/08
It is a little confusing...but I don't think she doubts what she wants right now. At least on the surface.
That same night last thursday I noticed that she was wearing her ring. But she still swears that she is done and happier now etc.
My current take is to leave it all alone for a while. I'm going to be awesome to be around...I'm good at that. I no longer think in terms of hope. I have hope but it's really really likely that we are done. So, lets hear it for me and the kids, and our new life. I have fun plans for my weekend coming up.
Me:34 W:31 d's 5 & 10 M: 5 years, T: 8, Bomb1 3/8/08,#2:3/28/08 Asked 4 D:4/19/08, discovered PA 5/8/08,W moved out 6/30/08 W pregnant by OM: 2/17/08
I've found a nice bit of calm. Had a breakout session with my group yesterday which brought some stuff up. Came home to W asleep on the sofabed. Woke her up so she could go home and ended up falling asleep beside her till 3am. I covered her with a blanket and went to sleep upstairs.
When I woke her in the morning she wasn't in a hurry to leave while I was rubbing her back. When she did go I felt at peace. Kind of like I was ok with whatever happens. I'm still there, it's nice. It is easier to miss her and love her from here though so I have to be careful.
Me:34 W:31 d's 5 & 10 M: 5 years, T: 8, Bomb1 3/8/08,#2:3/28/08 Asked 4 D:4/19/08, discovered PA 5/8/08,W moved out 6/30/08 W pregnant by OM: 2/17/08
Good for you. When you reach the point where you can take her or leave her you're able to just be yourself; be subtly loving without fear that it will push you further away or even bothering to think about whether it moves you closer or not to your goals. Just "being" is a good feeling.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
Nothing much to report, I'm more or less still ok. I still think about W and sitch alot.
I'm a little ticked that W did not pay D9's after school care so I'll have to figure something out. I can't just let my stepdaughter get kicked out of the program.
I'll get by no matter what...
Me:34 W:31 d's 5 & 10 M: 5 years, T: 8, Bomb1 3/8/08,#2:3/28/08 Asked 4 D:4/19/08, discovered PA 5/8/08,W moved out 6/30/08 W pregnant by OM: 2/17/08
