I still believe in miracles

[istherehope]

And again, sorry for the incessant journaling but I shut my laptop down to take a shower and do some things around the house. Opened it up for a minute while laying in bed--just wanted to look at something on iTunes, then was going to shut off wireless. Immediately H IMd me again "what are you doing?" This is SO odd, but here, in my own house, knowing I am going to see him soon, I am feeling incredibly detached instead of excited. In fact I am not interested in him contacting me at all. I don't feel like dealing with the drama, which is what I think I could get from him. I'm not really responding much to him, just answering questions directly. This is REALLY weird. I mean I still want him to come home and be normal H and say sorry that he's been acting this way etc., but it is now as-if I've hit a wall. I have spent the whole summer working on the R, and I don't regret this, but being in the house brings me back to reality. He is not living in reality still. His actions are so different to his words, but he does not see this. Anyway...am going to shut down the laptop now, and he can keep wondering what I'm doing for awhile.

I do promise to get back to all of your threads tomorrow. Sep--I did see you had a good time with your H :). I'm happy for you!

ITH