I've been posting over in the MLC forum for almost a year and half. My H moved out almost 20 months ago telling me that he was empty inside and he had nothing left to give. He wanted very little to do with me for the 6 months or so and for the next 8 months there were many touch and goes. In August 2007, my H had filed for a D but never had me served. Around April of this year, My H and I started C together after I told him he either go to C or proceed with the D. Fast forward to now, the D was dismissed due to lack of service. We have continued with C and we are spending more time together. My H thinks I am finally starting to "get it" and we are actually starting to talk about living together again. Our C has suggested that we both make a list of what we will expect from each other when we start living together again. Now I know each situation is unique but I was thinking that maybe people in this forum might have some suggestions since you are piecing and would probably know what reasonable expectations would be. I am so used to not having expectations I am having difficulty figuring out where to start. About the only things I can come up with is that he respects my feelings, makes an effort to spend time with me several times a week and he helps contribute to household expenses and chores. I would also like him to drink less and control his spending but I am afraid that he will no longer think I am "getting it".
I can guess that some of my H's expectations would be for me not to mother him, accept him for who he is, don't guilt him into doing what I want him to do, don't object to him having his "guy time" when he needs it.
Hi Upside! How nice to see you here on the piecing forum!
I think it's a wise thing to start thinking about what you're expecting things to be like when you move back in together.
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About the only things I can come up with is that he respects my feelings, makes an effort to spend time with me several times a week and he helps contribute to household expenses and chores. I would also like him to drink less and control his spending but I am afraid that he will no longer think I am "getting it".
I think you need to be a little more specific. What will he do to show you that he's respecting your feelings? What will you consider "spending time together"? Is sitting on opposite sides of the room watching tv together spending time together? I don't think so, but maybe you or your h do. Should you set up a weekly/monthly date night? How much will he contribute toward expenses and chores? Should you set up a budget and a chore list?
How about issues with respect to your kids? Do they have expectations of how things will be if h moves back in?
I think you have a great counselor. I wish I would have gone through this kind of analysis before my h moved in. It is so easy to fall back into old habits and routines.
