Sara, my STBXH is the out of sight kind of guy. His ego is so fragile, that is why he is w OW. SHe built him up when I was too sick to do that. Part of me feels like, hey jerk, I was not building you up because I F'ing had CANCER! Why do I want that back....most of the time I dont, but there are moments I think "what if???" It is fear talking, I know, but that does not make the emotion any less.
Ready, I did ready Not just friends when this all started. Maybe I should go back to it. I started Hendrix's book but could not deal with it. I felt like I need to be fixing me, not looking how to have a good relationship when I dont even have a R. So had to put it down.
Sometimes I feel like NC is the best place for me to be. It has given me more peace from this rollercoaster ride. It has changed my focus (mostly). But I feel that by going NC it will allow him to move on more easily. Maybe that is my insecurity talking. When I was acting like his friend he was reaching out to me. He was sending joke emails and buying little gifts for me. But, he was then going over and having sex with OW. It crushed me. Maybe the best solution is to see that I need NC to find the remaining strength I need so that I can give only what I can give w/o getting sucked back in. I am just not able to be his friend while there is an OW right now. I want her gone so that I feel I have a chance. Guess I need to think on this some more. Thanks for reaching out ot me.
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
