I had a lot to respond to but as I read through the other posts, I see where most of what I was going to say has been posted already...lol. That's good.
I had you figured as being a man that was used to summing up a situation, figuring the soloution out and then expecting the results to be fixed.....b/c that is just who/what you are. Then sure enough you said it yourself. Your employment is a "fixer" so why wouldn't you be the same in a R? However, I hope you are discovering that you cannot fix a MLCer. No way, no how. And time? Oh sweetie, it takes soooo much time. If this didn't come to a head until August and you didn't sign on the bb until September......it has only begun.
Yes, you are a hard worker. I am too, and acutally find it difficult to know what to do for fun anymore since I can't be the one to entertain others. That was my "fun" before my health got to the place that I couldn't do things like I use to and it is very frustrating not to be able to "release" some of the feelings that get pent up inside. Everyone needs to have some type of enjoyment or just old fashion fun once in a while. It is healthy for them. I see you as being very hard on yourself the way you push yourself to finish projects that you have outlined to be done by a particular date. I hope that you will work at being a bit more flexable and relaxed before you have a heart attack. Yes, I do admire a hard working man very much!! However, there are other things in life that you need to try to make yourself do......as your therapist suggested.
I personally think you handled the wife coming over to b*tch about the cell phone perfectly. I don't know how she could see you as being rude when she was the one on her phone talking the entire time, but that is the logic of a MLCer.
I won't add anymore to what has already been said except that when you were told by several to stop talking to the MIL and that blood is thicker than water.......believe me when I say that is soooo true and you would be very wise to listen to that advice. That is all I can say about that right now. The less you say to friends & relatives about your MR.....the better. They feel caught between the two of you and feel they have to take sides. One will "report" to you what wife said or did, then another will "report" to her what you said or did and that keeps things stirred up in a bad way and makes detaching very difficult. Also, most friends will usually say what they think you want to hear. I think I read where you had decided to stop that. Good decision.
AmyC has been through the mill and back again, so any advice she gives.....please take heed. You have a chance if you will be patient, however, you are already talking divorce and I don't see that as a good thing. You can do dark and not file for divorce, b/c that is not what going dark is all about. Droping the rope is not filing for divorce. It is going on with your life as if she is no longer a part of it. It gets your focus off of her and lets you live instead of being in a constant state of misery. That is what you need to think about for now. Just live your life and not think about divorce. This is way too soon. Read the DR book and come here to talk, vent, and ask questions. You are a smart man, but you can't sum this up in a few days and think you can fix it over night or else you will decide to get divorced. This is Divorce Busting and we are here to try to bust this divorce from happening if possible. Okay?
Take care of yourself......and try to do something for fun.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
