H moving out!! Crisis I need help

[TxMomw/2girls]

Hi everyone,

LE - nice to see you visiting this thread.. I do post on both as I get different people visiting both threads...

Here is an update... Not sure the dinner is going to happen now... I was prepared for him to back out and guess what happened he did.

We talked a few times today and tonight I just doubled check that we were all on for dinner tomorrow.. He said No probably not... didn't really go into details and I didn't push.. (remember on two different occassions he said he would and with excitment)

When I asked him he sounded all depressed... I then asked if he was OK as he sounded different than earlier or a few days ago especially regarding dinner.. He said he did little dinner with the girls tonight... that they are so young they don't know... It's not a big deal he said. I mentioned that is fine. Of course I take this that he doesn't want to do this b/c of OW. Boy I love the loyalty he is giving her.. Jack A%$#! I would have loved this respect in our marriage... I know I could be reading into it. I said I had the gifts from the girls and He said he'll be at the house when I get home to hang out and do gifts from the girls....

He said he doesn't want to go to Houston either (he has business Friday there and his family is going to be there for the weekend) first time he'll be around his Mom, Dad and brother's family since this has all happened.... he hasn't really even talked to them about what is happening.. should be an interesting weekend for him..

He mentioned he was pissed about a promotion he had talked to his boss about today and he started going off on his job to me.. Sometimes I wonder why I'm giving my ear to him but I am trying to play nice... as I know being an angry biattchh doesn't work either..

So overall he sounded a little depressed.... I don't think I'm going to write anything in his birthday card... I have no emotion to give him right now... we'll see how I feel tomorrow.

AAAAHHHHHHH - gosh I want to scream!!!

[TxMomw/2girls]

Also - ST - I made it..

I do want to know your thread.... I think your H had his affair for 8 months??? just would love to know top line or read up as it seems you are back with him and doing good...

Did he move out for those 8 months? Seems he talked D talk but then had change of heart? Did he ever live with OW?

Love to learn more... what you did to do your 180's .. what worked for you...

thanks for your post... it made me really think about separating OW and treating how I react to my H on the fact that he had marriage problems or was unhappy and not worry about the OW.. so hard but so true...

[hope3343]

Hi TX mom, I should have posted on your stich but I did on T2L, so go check that out.
Also I did an emotional non db moment this morning (T2L stich), so we all make mistakes but I am mad at myself. Now I have to get back to GAL. I just made appt for haircut/color. The funny part is I told H and he says I hope you keep growing your hair long??? Why you left me so why should you have an opinion (well I said it to myself), I don't get this. I think I am going to put in a really dedicated month to GAL, DBs and love bank and see if this will work.
After H left last night, he ended up calling me about a work gossip thing and we talked for about 15 minutes. I hung up and said here I sit all by myself and H is about 1 mile down the road. I miss him and want my marriage to work. I will do whatever it takes to get to that place and show my kids that at least I tried.

[TxMomw/2girls]

ST I made it - I think I posted earlier that we are now not going out to dinner tonight.. read earlier post.... but on two different occassions he was excited to do family dinner but has now changed his mind.... He is still out and been staying with OW - he said he is looking at a furished apartment today so we'll see... can't wait to hear your sucess story - where you are and H now???


My H keeps talking to me like usual now that I'm being friendly -I wonder if I'm being too friendly and making it easy.. calls me yesterday to talk about his golf game for 15 mins then last night about his job ..... I wonder sometimes if he doesn't get this type of conversation with OW .... I think I need to detact a bit more

Not sure what I'm going to write in his b-day card.... I have a cake being delievered today ... it is in the shape of a Dallas Cowboy hat - we are huge Cowboy fans... he'll love it but he then has to take it with him to OW house b/c he isn't leaving until tomorrow morning out of town. Wonder what she'll think

more updates tonight depending what happens tomorrow... he is suppose to be looking at an apartment today.. finally get out of the OW house... what a joke!!!

God can deliever miracles so keep praying and he'll answer... believing is everything!!!!!

can't wait for more updates.... catching a flight in a few back on later when kids are down..
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[TxMomw/2girls]

Ok updated post from tonight... same post on the newcomers thread too... feedback please

When I got home he was working in the office... I could tell he seemed depressed and I was actually in a great mood and had missed my girls... his cake got delivered to the house and I had him come in the kitchen ... when he opened the box he smiled from ear to ear and said.. how cool!!! (it was a dallas cowboy hat cake - just like one of the ones he wears all the time)

He then opened his cards and started making the crying face and teared up ( I gave him two ) I didn't write too much in them but I did say I hope he focuses on getting healthier and on the other one something about our marriage wasn't that bad we just didn't make it a priority the last two years (backslid) and I did sign one card " your family loves you" - now I wish I hadn't...

He opened his gifts which were picture of the girls and he started crying again, and the book I gave him... then he saw his watch that I had bought him a year ago (nice watch) but the battery had been out for months now and I got a new battery and he almost started crying again and teared up and then put the watch on....

Another thing I shouldn't have done is when he was crying or eyes watering up I hugged him and he hugged back ... gosh I think I had said - it will be ok... i love you... WHY did I say that ... b/c he was upset and I should have just let him feel and shouldn't have said a thing... AHHHH

but I was glad to get tears but when he left he just said thanks ... no hug and he said I'm sure I'll talk to you tomorrow but I'm not calling him on his b-day and I think if he calls I'm not talking or calling him back... I need to back up and detatch a bit... ???

WHY do I feel the need to still be so nice after all the pain and hell he has put me and our girls through... WHY??????

I'm glad I left him with a good note and something to think about on his 4 hour drive tomorrow... hate that he leaves our house and goes to OW house... OH he did look at an apt today and started to want to tell me about it and I said I would rather not talk about it today.. that I'm in a good mood and can we discuss it next week?

how bad did I do??? what is he thinking... what are the tears about.. he has been depressed all week turning 40 doesn't help.. how can he be with OW and fake it or put on a smile..

do I talk to him when he calls over the weekend or do I ignore??
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[S.T. _I Made It!]

I don't think it was much backsliding. I don't have much time to post, but next time no ILYs, that's the only bad thing IMHO.

My H was also like this. It was very weird for me. But you know what? He is living in sin, and sin will tear you apart. He is struggling right now, and this is good. You just be that sympathetic (is that the right word?) ear and friend, don't help him out, but just be there. You are being a good person, and looking on him with sympathy is good.

don't feel bad about the hugs, or your family loves you. just don't say "I" love you.

If he calls, you don't have to answer right away, but if you really need the distance, just choose a good time for you to call back.

I think your doing really good!

I'll try to give you more on my story, you can always go to this website and email me from there if you want. I check it more often. http://www.mymonavie.com/crissy

[S.T. _I Made It!]

nevermind. I think that link is not working right now.

[TxMomw/2girls]

Ok ST... we need to talk... I was also going to start Monavie right when H dropped the bomb... we are on an autoship and our team is getting on us to start having tastings etc.... I just haven't had the will right now... I know I need to do something different and for me so it will help me detach... give me a link that will work and I'll send separate... love to talk Monavie too

After I posted - I realized I felt good and knew it got him crying... crying for what I don't know... what are the tears for?? Either he is questioning everything and confused OR he is crying b/c he doesn't love me anymore (which is has said he isn't "in love" with me) but obviously he has given his heart to OW... he is maybe just sad to break the family up...

I dont' answer the phone right when he calls all the time as I would have and I call him back later - when I have my thoughts collected and I'm going to fake it until I make it and put on the happy face...

I'm struggling this weekend.. somedays I just miss him so much.. I feel I need to give him more tough love and distance ... need him to miss what he had too... hard to do both..

[S.T. _I Made It!]

oh darn! and cool.... did you guys recently sign up? I wish we could be on the same team!!!! I signed up over a year ago and oh my gosh, it has saved my life really. okay, I'm not sure why the website is not working, I imagine it's because of the new product and they are redoing the website. I'm not sure. but you could just do FB and look up Crissy Seamster

I would not worry about why the tears are there. It is just good that he is showing this emotion IMHO. For a guy to do that, I think they must really be broken down, unless it's something they do, which most men will NOT. mine didn't even at his gmas funeral and he lived with her for several years.

yes, you do need to fake it till you make it, and you will make it. It will work, but it just takes time. They say it takes 21 consecutive days to form a new habit. So just make little goals for yourself.

let me know if you can't find me.

[TxMomw/2girls]

The website worked for me and I emailed you... I wasn't sure if I had it right or not... so email me back on your personal email and we can talk Monavie too..

What is IMHO?? I can't think of this abbrev.. it will come to me in a min. probably... My H is someone who is in touch with his feelings ... definitely not a crier but when it all came out and he had or showed no remorse I was floored!!! he played it that way for 5 weeks until his first breakdown last week ( a week after he moved out) and then his second sign of emotion this past Thursday...

get back to me...