Dan is a luck man. I hope he can see that it is time for him to step up.
I think there is something to be said for "faking it until you make it", which is where it seems he's been since he came home. But, at some point you need to go from faking to making, and I think you are trying to tell him it is time. I like it, BobbiJo!
And I promise not to forget to check in piecing again!
Thanks for the support/affirmation. I love it when I can make you proud!
Jeff,
It is ok if you disappear from my thread for awhile as long as you always return bearing compliments!
Once I pick the kids up (I am dinking around during night class right now!), I will have them call their dad to say goodnight.
I am thinking I will just act normally, I was a little hesitant at the thought of talking to him at first, but I have done nothing wrong. Just shared my feelings. So I am not going to avoid him. I won't try to engage him in random conversations for no reason, but I won't avoid him either. We are, at this point, married and living together, actively "working on" our marriage as H would say, so why shouldn't I talk to him?
I think you have it right. Acting "as if" seems to be the way to go. It's up to him to react, or not. But you don't need to make it harder, or easier, for that matter!
If I got a letter like that I would be totally floored. I hope he "gets" it!
I am so glad I have such a nice bunch of men who give me feedback. (Sara, Kalni, Red, I like you too!)
My H has been so unusual and all over the map, it is hard to remember what a regular guy is like (and I mean regular as a compliment!). I wasn't sure how my letter sounded b/c I only have my eyes and H's usual reactions to base my thoughts on.
But Kerry liked it, Jeff liked it, Woog liked it. More important than liking it even, you "got" it. You understood the message I was trying to send. That means a lot to me. And you all affirm for me that I am not just wearing rose-colored glasses in some la-la land of fairy tale endings. I want a love that is real and is lived out in day to day life. That is not an unrealistic view. Thanks for reminding me of that.......
BBJ..the letter is awesome. I don't see how he could not see what he is losing. You are an awesome woman and he is such a lucky guy...if only he could just let go..he's holding himself back. He does not trust himself enough to do it..
I pray that he will wake up and see what is hanging in the balance...
He is a good man but for reasons I cannot fully comprehend (based on his early years growing up, which I was not around for), he is a wounded and weak man no matter how confident he tries to act. He sees himself as a failure in our marriage and he knows he blames me for his failings. Letting go of the blame and resentment would mean letting go of the blanket he has wrapped himself in for years. That is not easy for anyone. But it is something he has to do to be healthy and happy in this life, with or without me. But preferably with me...
H left a message on the machine while I was at class. "Hello....It's Dad! And Husband....give me a call when you get a chance so I can tell you good night."
For some stupid reason my heart skipped a beat when he said, "And husband." It is just nice to hear him call himself that...
I called him at 9:30 and D2 was awake but not S6. D told him goodnight and kissed the phone a bunch. I talked to H for 5 minutes, it was 10:30 in Calgary and he was just leaving for dinner? Meeting his friend Barry whom he has known for 8 years. I did not mention the letter and neither did he. I was just upbeat and positive.
OK it is midnight I have to run my miles yet tonight. Only doing 2 b/c I am too tired to do 4. Lazy me..
