God give me the patience and the strength...7

[Bworl]

First off, no worries MWG. We each handle our situation the way WE feel it needs to be handled. Our job here is to support each other the best we can, given the way each of us have chosen to approach our situation.

TOH, not going out and pushing for something you do NOT want is absolutely NOT putting off the inevitable.

Honestly now, after all the writing about how much your husband wants a divorce, but wants you to do it because "you know all the lawyers," do you REALLY buy that?

Sounds like MLC talk to me, and I don't really even buy in to the whole MLC thing completely. But I do know that these screwed up spouses all seem to have a lexicon that they use when they are feeling pressured in some way, and THAT line is definitely in there.

How does he push you away so you don't expect too much? Simple. He tells you he absolutely is done and wants a divorce.

Remember the Shakespeare line, "Methinks the lady doth protest too much?" Well that's what I see here. Any grown adult who wants a divorce can get one by heading to the courthouse, picking up papers, and start filling them out. My divorce was done WITHOUT a lawyer at all, though neither my ex nor I are wealthy people.

If your husband was TRULY sure he wanted a divorce, if he TRULY wanted a divorce, he knows darned well what to do.

ACTIONS speak far louder than words.

This is a man who is a screwed up mess. Look at his flippin decision making ability over the past year or so! To honestly, 100% buy in to all the crap that comes out of his mouth is a one way ticket to madness.

DB Principle - DETACH so that you become wise enough to recognize spew and drivel for spew and drivel, and so that you don't become dopey enough to actually ACT on the garbage that comes out of their mouths.

What do YOU want?

The answer to THAT question drives your actions. NOTHING else.

Period.

Meanwhile, you do what you can to make what you want to happen, happen. I believe your goal is the restoration of your marriage. That will NOT be accomplished by putting guilt trips on him. It will NOT be accomplished by pressuring him to make a decision (because then he will - and you won't like it).

Do work.


Blessings,

Bill