Glad to hear you are doing better Hope! Hang in there. It will get better. I know about trying to be friends. That is what my H is trying to do now. I am playing along. Yesterday he called to ask about the huge cell phone bill he got (since he didn't pay for it last month). I was very happy and cheery on the phone. It was almost as though he didn't want to get off the phone since our conversation went so good. I bet anything he is fighting with OW about money since he is flat broke. I know she paid for his car this month or else the bank was going to take it. My guess she did it out of love (vomit) but when it starts to become a regular thing because I know my H very well she will get tired of it real fast.
T2L we want to hear your updates!!!! I hope everything is going as you had planned.
JGrind how are things??
I'm just trying to survive each day....I just think it would be better if I had a job that I looked forward to going to every day. My job is so unrewarding and boring and unfulfilling. I dread coming here every day. My only motivation is being paid well and having to support my daughter and I. I would love to change jobs but the economy is so unstable that I do not want to risk it.
Keep praying!!
Me35/H35 D16/SS14 M-1yr/known H 18yrs 1st Bomb: 4/26 OW35 2nd Bomb: 8/17 OW21 Moved out 8/21/08 H filed D on 9/9/08
God determines who walks into your life...it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.
Good morning ya'll. How is everyone? I love the forums. It's going to be strength to all of us over this holiday season.
Well tomorrow is Disneyland with H and kids. My Plan A is going well, trying to stay focused and not look at the outward actions or what is being said. HE has also agreed to accompanying us to pumpkin patch next friday and carving them the night before Halloween. HE will also be here at the house on Sunday for sons actual bday with a few church friends. I'm working hard girls. It's difficult but I feel like at least having a plan is helping me find strength. And I truly feel God has led me to this route. I hope you all can get the book. I learned a lot about my self and determined areas where I might have created an excuse for the affair(though I refuse to accept blame) and can really grow as a person. I think Marisol if your not ready to throw in the towel then don't the ball is in your court, there is no shame in wanting to give it a try. Most people give up and throw in the towel with out a fight or stand. I think it's admirable what all of us are doing. And if at some point we feel released to move forward we'll know. I have told all my friends and even my Pastor that I know people want to me divorce him but I can't I don't have that in my heart. My pastor says to me, don't listen to anyone. They do not have to live out the reminder of your life or the consequences of it so you follow your heart and let God lead you. So until I have it in my heart I will not do it. Hope3343, Thanks for checking in on me. Hello hope3343 Daughter!! Whoot whoot! Tell your daughter I am so happy she enjoys reading the thread with you. Tell her I said your going to make it no matter what happens and that God has great plans for her future and if she can trust him for her life even through this painful time he's going to bless her greatly. Don't give up on her self and talk to your mom every time you feel down. It helps release things and if you can't talk then give mom hugs it'll help you too. I want to share my myspace page with her. tell her to go to EDITED - NOT ALLOWED. It has some music on it I've recorded. I think she'll like it. she can listen to it all but tell her to be sure to listen to Straight to the Top. Actually we all can listen to it. I was inspired to write it and record it. Jgrind, twinhope how are you guys? We're thinking about you all.
So my fellow marriage savers, how is your GAL going? I know i push it a lot but I know that i can slack in this so I force my self to keep GAL'ing. This month I will be taking 2 different Salsa Classes, one on the 18th and one on the 26th. I wish you guys could go try one. You will have so much fun and laugh and burn calories. what I love about it is it's creative dancing but not nasty and dirty since it's a part of the ballroom dancing. My daughter 17 is going to try to do it too. It's huge now with teenagers. Anyways girls please don't neglect your GALing. Its so important for your spouses to see you living because they fully intend for you to follow them like a puppy dog and stop living. It'll stump them because why should you be doing something fun instead of crying and not living. Well I'll be back maybe tonight but if I don't my comrades tomorrow is Disneyland to I'll be gone all day and night so I will jump on Friday morning with all the juicy details...hee hee. Goal: have fun, be happy, confident and get a hug! Cover me I'm going in.....
Hey Marisol and T2L {{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}, twinhope and JGrind, TxMom or any other visitor to this stich~~~ Marisol, I know it is tough when you hate your job. I went through that some years back and was miserable, well the decision was to move 2000 miles away 2 years ago and guess what now my H walked out on me! sometimes we get what we wish for (a bad joke -- smile) but truly hang in there and try to make the best of it. As for the OW I also dwell and obsess about her but then it only makes me worse. I am trying to step back and let God continue to work on my H and just work on myself. It is tough but it does give me some peace. The toughest is being at work and having both of them here but I have been working to block it.
T2L, You are small and mighty with a big mission. We are all with you in prayer and spirit. Thanks for the message for my D15. She will LOVE it. She likes checking in over my shoulder when I am online here. It makes her happy that we are all planning and working on ourselves. Your H is being pulled in and he does not even now it. All those hours he is spending with the family is time not spent with OW. Amazing. Have a great time at DisneyLand "where dreams come true", try and stay for the fireworks they are always so romantic. Does your H go on rides? Make sure you share at least one or two with him and just sorta slide into his space. Let him know what he is missing! It will be a wild ride!
OK -- who is GALing?? I have not since Thursday because of this darn flu. But today I am taking D15 to watch her Dad play flag football at 5 and then he is taking her out to eat (if she decides to go), so I am going to get a pedicure and go to library. At least it is something for today. I need to get moving -- I want every day to count. Later I will set up a few goals for the next week. Lets keep this rolling and keep each other motivated.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Check back tonight... I'm traveling and with my boss so I don't have much time to check in..... I will tonight in the Hotel... check my thread and I'll post here too...
hang in there ladies and everyone else who visit...
txmom!
Me: 38/H:40 M:7yrs TG: 10yrs 2Girls: 4yr & 7 month old Bomb 8/22/08 OW/EA/PA 8/23/08 with 25yr old Moved out 9/22/08
T2L - Thanks for the advice!!! I will file to reconcile. I just don't have the $$ right now to do it since I will be moving the end of this month to a smaller house. The rental we got together is huge and I can't afford the rent + utilities. I just hope that place he went to doesn't do anything sneaky until I can file. The paralegal I talked to said I was not served according to law which is by a process server, certified mail, or in front of a notary accepting the documents. I just got in in my regular mailbox.
Hope - You are so strong. I admire you so much. Being able to face that every day even though you may not see it your mind knows its there and you fight through it with dignity and pride in yourself. You deserve the best and nothing less!! We all do!!!
TxMom - I will check out your thread!
As for GALing all I have been doing is taking my daughter to piano. I have not done anything for myself lately. Just kicking back at home watching movies with my daughter. I'm hoping to get together with friends this weekend possibly happy hour on Friday after work. I had planned to sign up for a dance class but since I hurt my ankle when I went to Chicago it hasn't all the way healed yet. It is still sore in some spots.
When I do submit the reconciliation paperwork they said it will call for a meeting with a mediator. At that time I was planning to have a letter ready to read or have him read during that meeting. Would you ladies help me with that?
Has anyone read the book Men are from Mars Women are from Venus? I have started reading that and it really has some good points about understanding communication between men and women. I plan on buying the Surviving an Affair this weekend too. I have one chapter left in Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass. This is a long one but very good if any of you are interested.
Me35/H35 D16/SS14 M-1yr/known H 18yrs 1st Bomb: 4/26 OW35 2nd Bomb: 8/17 OW21 Moved out 8/21/08 H filed D on 9/9/08
God determines who walks into your life...it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.
Hey Marisol, It is good to spend time with D but like me we need to get out more and GAL for us. Set a goal and within the weekend do something for yourself. I have not read either book, I am going tonight to my mail box to see if my Surviving an Affair arrived. I look forward to reading it, especially so seeing how fired up T2L is these days ;-)
As for your letter, in reading through another thread for lost in space someone said this which I thought was pretty good. Maybe you can incorporate it into your letter...
"What is happening is straight from my heart. I love you, and don't want you to leave me or the family. I think we can repair our marriage and be happy again. You have the lawyers involved, and that has nothing to do with my heart. That is business that I am letting them work that out."
Thought maybe you could use some of it anyway.
Tx Mom, looking forward to hearing from you.
Twinhope and JGrind??? please check in...
and T2L....yuck yuck yuck - Goofy. Give him a kiss from me at Disney...
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Thank you for the statement Hope! I have copied/pasted it in the document I have started. I will do my best to not include any negative thoughts or any mention of OW. Only on us, our marriage, our family, and our potential future.
Me35/H35 D16/SS14 M-1yr/known H 18yrs 1st Bomb: 4/26 OW35 2nd Bomb: 8/17 OW21 Moved out 8/21/08 H filed D on 9/9/08
God determines who walks into your life...it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.
Hey Marisol, another thing I think that can be beneficial is a phrase I learned when I took in 3 foster children. The courts and social workers always loved hearing the statement, "in the best interest of the children". The courts look out for kids and look highly on those who do the same. Drop that phrase as much as possible to all parties, your attorney, the courts, mediators, his attorney, you get the idea.
Example: I am requesting reconciliation because I love my H and have invested many years in creating "our" family and I feel it's in the best interest of "our" children and their future stability to reconcile. Tearing apart the family would be detrimental to our children and not in their best interest. etc etc etc
Always use "our" so it makes it look like your not just looking out for yourself.
By the way are you in a fault state?
Me-38 H-38 Married 18years Daughter-17 & Son-9 Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in with OW 08/01/08
The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family. -- Lee Iacocca
Wow, who needs lawyers with all the verbiage we can pull together! lol
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
OK ladies... I hate when my job gets in the way...
Couple of things.. It was suggested to me by my attorney that you can request co-parenting counseling... I know your kids are older so might not be worth it but my lawyer said many couples get back together once forced to go through counseling together. Also mediation as well... I definitely read this too... so pour your heart out in that letter and yes we'll read it so post when you can... I know if my H files I will request him to go to counseling and for us to do co-parenting counseling.
I can't even get through DR as I have no time to read anymore.... I started Surviving an Affair but went back to DR as I need tools now to work on... I will do the questionaire in the back this weekend though...
I talked to H tonight he sounded all depressed... I had asked him if he still wanted to do dinner with all of us tomorrow (which he had said he would twice before) and tonight he said no probably not.. I then asked if he was OK as he sounded different than earlier or a few days ago especially regarding dinner.. He said he'll be at the house when I get home to hang out and do gifts from the girls....
he said he doesn't want to go to Houston either (he has business Friday there and his family is going to be there for the weekend) first time he'll be around his Mom, Dad and brother's family since this has all happened.... he hasn't really even talked to them about what is happening.. should be an interesting weekend for him
He mentioned he was pissed about a promotion he had talked to his boss about today and he started going off on his job to me.. Sometimes I wonder why I'm giving my ear to him but I am trying to play nice... as I know being an angry biattchh doesn't work either..
I was hoping he'd do dinner so it would be time with us and not OW.... I had got a post on my thread and after my C appt yesterday I realized that we all really need to separate the OW from why our H are wanting out of the marriage... focus on why they think they want out as if they had no one else in the picture... we would all be nice and working on our 180's and marriage even if it was just us doing it... the OW makes this complicated but she said to just pretend she is not there.. she is a by-product and not worth the focus... this is coming from someone who had a sucess story and her and H are back together now after his affair...
Me: 38/H:40 M:7yrs TG: 10yrs 2Girls: 4yr & 7 month old Bomb 8/22/08 OW/EA/PA 8/23/08 with 25yr old Moved out 9/22/08
