Just back, and I have to nap. It took me more than 4 hours last night to write that last long post. It is a very hard question for me to deal with, and there is a lot going on in there.

I copied my last 2 threads and brought them with me to IC.

These are themes that we have touched on before, but from a different place.

What she'd like me to do:

1. Keep that list of his wrongs with me - next to the bed, in my planner, on my laptop, etc. Reread as needed / when I get weaker.

2. Be careful of the increase in contact from him (there has been more emails because of his buying the house and settling the last of the D agreement). Use the 24 hour rule, keep all emotion out of it.

3. Don't push through the new realizations about the marriage too quickly. So much of it was influenced and skewed by my family of origin and being ACOA. This is the next week we are gearing up for, as I get stronger. We'll look at those issues and finally start dealing with them for good. I had a glimpse of that today. She wants the learning and realizations to come from within me, not be influenced too much by the board and friends.

4. Try not to react with my kids about X trying to pull the Brady Bunch thing. Yes, they are adaptable and trying to make the best of it (when I wish they would be more reluctant), but they aren't all living together yet, and my kids don't realize that he will be full-time with someone else's kids, but part-time with his own. Let it lay, just be there for him.

5. Get with MIL about not using me as an excuse to avoid conflict with her son. The subject has already been broached with FIL, who assures me its not. He said he appreciated my telling them that I wanted to lean on them less, so they could work out their Rs with their kids. He just asked that I give them a heads-up if I am going to be out late - he is still a dad, and worries.

6. Make plans now for Thanksgiving. I'm not going to the X's family overnight/reunion; I know that, now. So, I'll look to see who of family/friends might be around, or maybe work in a soup kitchen....