OD-After I wrote that, the first thing that crossed my mind was the "easy path". I tend to think you are right, also, considering this was a girl who he is friends w/ through the OW.
H and I have had a huge horrible e-mail exchange this morning. Obviously I'm upset and he is mad at me for calling him out on the realtor BS we've been dealing with. I've been very very aggressive and angry in my e-mails to him.
Still meeting w/ the Realtor but by myself tonight as H has some event that he needs to go to. I'm beyond irritated.
H & I, both 32, together since 18. *M 7/03, A since 9/06. Bomb 7/07, H ended it w/ OW 9/08 * Agreed to D 6/09...very hard *D 8/10 * At peace, have become great friends w/ X-H and his new GF
Man, sorry about the e-mails Beth. Would it be worth apologising for being aggressive/angry at all? I can't remember what the realtor stuff is (sorry), but I hope the meeting goes well tonight.
Deep breaths. Focus on winning the war, even if it means losing the odd battle strategically.
I'm so sorry to hear about this BS... I think Lisa's observation is very perceptive. I also think that IM conversations in general are sort of distorted... they are like conversations but missing all the nonverbal information. If your H is in MLC, isn't this behavior also "normal"???? Even if it is still infuriating???
I wonder if sleeping with you brought up a lot of emotions for him and he is distancing because of that.??
Hi everyone, The realtor situation is that we are about to sell our house. We bought during the height of the housing market in 2005, paid way too much, and now we are selling at the bottom of the housing market. So, basically, we are going to lose a lot of money.
So, my plan is: 1) Get out of the house. I don't care anymore how much money we/I am going to lose. I want my own place.
To do that I need to: 1) Agree w/ H about the price 2) start cleaning up so we can put the house up for sale. This will take a lot of work. 3) Stay at my parents while the house is on the market. 4) When house is "under contract" start looking for my own place. 5) I will pack up all "our" stuff in a storage box and keep in my parents attic (My parents aren't selling their house anytime in the near future).
Ok. I feel better.
H & I, both 32, together since 18. *M 7/03, A since 9/06. Bomb 7/07, H ended it w/ OW 9/08 * Agreed to D 6/09...very hard *D 8/10 * At peace, have become great friends w/ X-H and his new GF
I had therapy yesterday. I am starting to realize that I think I'm coming to the point of wanting to the do the LRT.
One thing that I acknoweledged to my T, which I don't know if I have said here on the boards is this:
I have spent a lot of time focusing on saving my marriage and putting my marriage before myself. I have thought that this whole thing w/ H was the "sickness" part of "in sickness and health" or the "bad times" in the "good times and bad times" part of my vows. I believe in the vows that I made. HOWEVER, there does come a time for me (meaning, my age, that I want to have a family still) that I will need to make a decision on my own. That I have done everything I can do to save my marriage. Therefore, I am on the verge of the LRT to really put it all out there. And honestly, I don't even know how I would want to LRT to turn out (meaning, I don't even know if I want to continue being w/ H). So, I think after the house is sold, I will do the LRT.
H & I, both 32, together since 18. *M 7/03, A since 9/06. Bomb 7/07, H ended it w/ OW 9/08 * Agreed to D 6/09...very hard *D 8/10 * At peace, have become great friends w/ X-H and his new GF
Wow Beth. You seem to have gained a lot of clarity from your session. Hopefully you can put the LRT into action soon (meaning, hopefully the house will sell quickly - asking for a miracle in this market I know).
It's hard to decide if your M is worth saving or not. I had to look at my H with a very critical eye, not with the love that I have for him in my heart. I hated what I saw and decided that so many of those character weaknesses had been there for our entire R and they weren't going to change. Those flaws are what eventually led to his straying. Zero moral compass.
You will find yourself further examining your entire R and picking out the things that you never liked. The key is to decide if those are complete deal breakers now.
Be strong Beth!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
So, I've just been so upset this week. Feeling like a fool again b/c H has been MIA and been with OW. Supposedly "broken up" but he still loves her. We are about to put our house up on the market and H wanted to have dinner tonight to talk about the house. I don't want to see him, so I suggested just calling or IM'ing tonight to talk about the house.
He just started IM'ing me and I just want to sigh to him and tell him I'm cranky and have him do something to make me feel better. It is so hard for me to not look to him for comfort b/c he is the one causing my discomfort. I just want to look at him and sigh and say, "can't we just stop this? Can't we just be happy together?" B/c, I guess, sometimes, ever well over a year since we've been seperated and the fact he was having a secret affair for a year prior, I still just have such a hard time believing reminding myself of the "real" person he is. The person, who I always knew was troubled, but really understanding what that meant. That I wasn't an "exception" to being impacted by his self-loathing. That he lies and lies and lies to me and loves some one else. That he thinks he is taking my feelings into consideration, but really has no idea how I can still feel my heart physically breaking when something happens. STILL. My heart is continually breaking causing physical pain in my chest.
He apologized a few weeks ago for the pain he has caused me. I realize that apologizes don't really mean anything (at least to me) if nothing comes from it. That he hasn't learned from it.
So, now. After all this time, I am starting to pull away and do my own thing. I need to for myself. But it all just sucks.
H & I, both 32, together since 18. *M 7/03, A since 9/06. Bomb 7/07, H ended it w/ OW 9/08 * Agreed to D 6/09...very hard *D 8/10 * At peace, have become great friends w/ X-H and his new GF
I'm so sorry that this week has been hard- I think it's worse in many ways when you see progress in the situation, or baby steps, because it becomes that much harder to keep expectations low.
I like the idea of detaching and letting H be for a while at least. I know I've said this before but do you think it's worth setting some boundaries around contact etc? It's a rollercoaster and you need to protect yourself. I genuinely think your H has to feel the loss of you in some way as you've both been in contact so much and I'm sure you're fulfilling many of the needs that the Horse can't. Rightly so, after all you ARE the wife.
What are you doing for you this week? You know where I am if you want to drop me a line by the way.....
