I know this is all tough and a major PITA. I'm sure that my W is scared SH**LESS about getting divorced. I think that's the reason that we are still married, otherwise I think she would have divorced me months ago. So, when she was between the rock of her fear and the hard place of her inner demons, she found a way to rationalize her affairs and unfaithfulness.
Speaking to Jon's point, once my W moved out, I realized that if she drank to much and suffered from it, she could no longer blame me for her drinking, it was her own fault and she had to face up to the responsibility for the consequences.
So, I see your H between a rock and a hard place. He thinks he wants a divorce or at least to have you out of his life and he's angry that that isn't happening, but, he is very afraid of getting the divorce and what that future will bring.
I guess what I'm thinking here is that in this kind of situation, it may be possible for him to do things that contradict his self-image and then find a way to rationalize his behavior away in the same way that my W has.
That of course doesn't really help you much, but, I like to understand things better and this is at least a possible explanation for some of what he is going through internally.
