Thanks for the feedback. H says he shows me his love by working hard to provide for our family. He says he shows love by making the money to give us all that we need. He is very much "acts of service" and "provider" in terms of showing love.
I have tried to tell him that I don't care if we live on hardly anything, if I FEEL loved. 9 years ago we had an income that was 1/5 of what it is now! And we had an old farmhouse that was falling apart and only cost $56K including 10 acres of pasture! It was that crappy a house, we gutted the kitchen and bath to the studs and had to start over. We never had more than a couple hundred dollars in the bank after bills were due. But we spend our free time together, and H showed me love in word and deed, frequently.
Point is, making 5 times more now and having a nicer house now, I don't care, I am not happy with that. B/C I do not feel my H's love.
I would rather take our pay in half and have more of H's time and attention than be where we are today. I have told H that. He cannot imagine going back to us not having money. It would mean selling the tractor, the 2 trailers, and the big new truck...and probably the cows.
This has nothing to do with my letter, I am getting off track. To answer the question, H shows love with making money and providing. His dad never made more than 25K a year and H felt deprived by that. He views his dad as a failure in the area of providing. He is a champion in that area. But at what cost?
