Sandi is here and things are getting better!

[OnTheEdge22]

Sandi - I'm glad to see you venting. You do need to get this out. You seem a lot like my wife where you've been hoping for change for such a long time, but it never seems to come. She held a lot of things in for a long time and that really hardened her heart for me. So, get it out here! That's what we're here for!!!

You said a couple things that I want to comment on.

I was different than your husband in that I always planned things for my W and I to do. Get away weekends, night out without the kids, I always got her over the top gifts. The best was a scavenger hunt that started at a spa, then to a flower shop, then to a clothing store, then to Victoria's secret and finally to a hotel in Chicago where we spent the night. Great night. My issue was that I was the one always trying at the relationship, but she never did anything like that and I came to resent that after a long time. If I didn't plan it, we didn't do anything. She always put the kids first and that pretty much killed our R. That's when I started giving up and just plopping down on the couch because we were doing anything together anymore.

So, it sounds like there are some cheeseless tunnels here. Sitting him down to talk about things doesn't seem to work. But in your note, you did get a rise out of him when the OM came along. I'm definitely not saying to start that again, but it sure seems that woke him up a bit. Maybe there is something along those lines (jealousy???) that could get him engaged. It sure woke me up when my wife told me she didn't love me and I found out about the OM. Not sure what, but let's think about that.

Now, I don't want to get you two in a fight, but is there any bill you pay that would somewhat hurt him if you didn't? What if you just told him you were going to buy some real groceries since he's not capable and that your not going to pay X bill any longer? That may be drastic, but maybe something like that would work. Another option is to remind him of those couple weeks when he did allow you to shop and how much he enjoyed those meals. One other option would be to tell him you're fed up with this situation and that he can cook all his own meals from now on if he insists on shopping. You would obviously have to buy some groceries for yourself and probably let a bill slip, but he as you over a barrel here and you definitely need to get out of this situation.

Also, one thing that got me out of my sulking moods sometimes is when my wife would call me out on it. She'd usually first ask if I was upset about something and I'd so coldly, no. Then she'd say she was going out or doing something if I was just going to sit there and sulk/pout/whatever.

This is drastic too, but you say he's not doing anything to show you that he wants you there. Have you said that to him? Or asked him if he cares if you stay or not? I'm not suggesting this, but would you be prepared to separate if he said no? Based on what you have said in your last few posts, he's not "getting it" and I think needs a 2x4 across the head to wake up (like I did last year). I'd be interested in what you think about this.

Edge