I do think it is possible to focus too much on hearing ILY. My H is not one to say it, ever. After his affair, I needed very much to hear it. I think I was able to get it when I pointedly asked. And I noticed that he signed his dialogue letters "love, J". But otherwise I wouldn't hear it. On the other hand, I don't feel that I need to hear it because I can see it in his eyes. And by and large (not when he is a grump) he seems to want to be with me. Even if it is just watching a game on tv.
