An interesting shift in your thought process lately. Not sure if it's because of some of the advice being offered or what. Lately you're talking more and more about whether you should just believe him and move on, though it's clearly NOT what you want to do.
I don't think it is a shift, IMO it is a cycle with toh. Most likely the next shift/cycle will be an overnighter together, then another big withdrawal by her H. It's not just toh's sitch, it's like that with many here. Even a bad R has it's better times and then we think we can be more relaxed and it will work out.
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For me, it would be simple. If I wanted to continue alone, hoping for eventual healing in the marriage relationship, I would continue alone. But I would also PROTECT myself. I would refuse to be close to him when I knew he was active with another person. In fact, I would put it on the table to him directly that as long as he is involving himself with another, he is NOT to be hanging around the house. And I would tell him that this was FOR ME, for MY emotional well being.
As long as there is no other relationship, I would welcome him as normal. Offer him a meal, offer him time at home. I would want him to feel as many good feelings as possible as it related to me, our farm, our home, and our family. I WANT him thinking about the GOOD things he's missing.
This is all good advice. How can these boundaries be enforced? toh doesn't know if he is involved with ow anymore. If she says you are not welcome to come in the house and he does, what does she do? I have always struggled with how to enforce a boundary when the WAS won't 'comply'.
MG, does Bworl's advice apply to your sitch too? your H is clearly with ow but you welcome him to your home often.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
