About dropping a bomb.... why would you do it? If you are trying to force her hand or get a reaction, don't do it.
My situation is quite different but I do know that ultimatums have not worked. What has worked best for me is what is hardest...getting my own life and detachment. Detachment is hardbut gives space for all parties to realize what is lost and missing and what they've contibuted.
My personal rule of thumb is when I find myself overly focusing on what is wrong with someone else, there is something I am ignoring in my contributions. God has lots of work to do with me and in my heart. He has started but has really made progress when I have been able to detach and let go.
There isn't a quick fix. I've been most successful when I've really changed my patterns of interaction. You've indicated that you've been pretty dramatic in the past... Will dropping "d bomb" be more of the same (with out the alcohol)?
