I guess I just fear that I will write him a letter that says how I feel, that it seems I am carrying the load, I love him deeply but am starving for similar expressions of love from him, etc...
And then he sighs and says he knows, he is trying, he is working, he isn't giving up, etc etc
That is what he has been saying since he moved back almost 3 months ago. And some things have changed. He is more helpful around the house, not a lot more, but more than he was before. He has been responsive to my kisses and ILYs. He called twice yesterday without me having to call him at all.
I think that would have been enough 6 months ago, for me to be happy then. Having him home, "letting" me love him, having him say the ILY in response to mine, accepting my invites on occasion for dates.
But I am growing and changing. I don't know if that is good, bad, selfish, or what. But I don't want him to just receive my love well. I want to feel it coming from him.
When I asked him in July to tell our son we were back together and nobody was leaving anymore (b/c S had been praying for it and suffering emotionally over it), H said he "didn't think it was necessary" to say anything. When I told him I wanted him to tell me he loved me unconditionally and was 100% committed to our marriage, he said he didn't think it worked that way. Those should be/now are red flags to me.
I will think hard and work on a letter tonight and share it with you all before I send it.......
