When she first moved out, I backed off. I gave her her space. Not sure if it accomplished too much. Originally, I wanted to give up and "be friends". Give her a lot of grace and support. I thought that maybe it WOULD help her realize she screwed up.

My darkness with her led her to believe that "I thought she was a bitch, angry with her, that I hated her..."


It seemed to me like most people here on the board did the backing off. Going dark. Most if not all that I know, have gotten D'd or are on their way to it. It didn't help. The ones that seem to have "moved on" and started doing their own thing, but kept in a loving communication...they seem to have faired better in possible reconciling.

I admit that I could be just feeding myself BS. Or misinterpreting.

I had a rolling plan. In and out. In and out. Worm my way in for a while and be around a lot, then make my self scarce. I know she still sees OM, just not sure how deep the R is anymore. Could be less than what it was, it could be way more than it used to be. I always look at things from a worst case scenario. I'm not trying to do things willy nilly. So far, everything I do has a purpose. From dealing with her, to dealing with myself. Whatever is best for me in the long run. For my relationship with myself, my God, my relationship with her, my relationship with my kids and any future relationship with someone else. I know I'm not doing things perfectly, but I'm comfortable with my actions. It's about how I feel about myself and my actions. No one else. Not her, not any of the ABC'c. Maybe only my kids.

I'm ready to go which ever way I'm led. I have my goal. The promise I made to myself and to my kids to try until the end. But I have to weigh the cost of it, too.

I love my wife. But I COULD move on in a heartbeat. It's the memories that haunt me. When we are together or when I'm alone, all by myself without my kids. Its her ghost that I pine for. The real her now, is broken. She knows she is broken and she hasn't sought any type of council. Spiritually or medically.

She just started back on some of her meds after months of not taking them. Who knows how long that will last. All the meds come out to almost $200 a month. She still smokes a lot. She refuses to attend church. She has never gone back to have the MRI's that the neurologist wanted after her second illness in June. Hasn't gone back to see the neurologist nor the general doc since then. Her guilt breaks her down.

Deep down, do I really want this person? She is either going to end up dead or paralyzed at a very young age.

For what we had, I AM willing to chance it. A little thought that I keep is that BECAUSE she is sick, that is what keeps me going because I can't just walk away. I care about her too much. I love her, but I believe that I could also love someone else someday too. I didn't think that before. I do now.

She is SO going to figure out what she had one day. If not now, later.

I think my allergy medicine kicked in \:\)


Me 47, WW 38
SS18, D15, D10

Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08

"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."