But ya'll know, they do wonders for my self esteem. They are addicting, but I know what I want. It's fun to let someone pursue ME for a change. Can't help how I feel. That being said, I know what I want. I'm pretty strong willed.
Yesterday, D called me for lunch. She owed me one from a few months ago. It was good timing because I forgot my wallet at home and didn't have any money and I didn't pack a lunch yesterday. I thought that was a weird coincidence.
Today, I feel like SH*T. Allergies are really kicking my butt. Before bed, just sneezing and draining constantly. My nose is raw. This morning, D6 didn't feel well either. She stayed home after some drama this morning.
Funny thing is that I actually WANTED to call in today. On Sunday, the wife had mentioned taking a day off this week. That she was wanting to pick up the futon. I just can't believe that she would do it alone. I could be wrong. She used to usually take Wednesday's off when she DID get a day off before. Won't that be fun if she showed up at the house with OM. She'll see some drama. I'm looking forward to it, the mood I'm in. She should probably call and let me know if she was planning on going to the house. She did before.
I may break down the futon for them. It is S14's and right now, he still has no bed. Sleeping on sleeping bags at the apartment. I want him to use it. I may even take it to him. It's not for her benefit. Its for his.
And the girls went to bed and forgot to call her last night. She even reminded them to call her not even 2 hours prior.
I thought about calling her this morning to see if she DID take off today. Maybe she can stay with D6, because I really have a lot to do at work today. Maybe get a least a few hours in later. But nah. My responsibility this week.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Yes, those abc girls are addicting.....just like OM is to your wife...and she let that OM have a relationship with her now, so it is even worse.
You need to make a plan. You are coasting day to day. You either back off until she comes back or divorces you or you give up and just "be friends" in hopes that she realizes she screwed up and comes back. You can't keep flip flopping...well, you can, but it won't help you any.
You need to make a plan. You are coasting day to day. You either back off until she comes back or divorces you or you give up and just "be friends" in hopes that she realizes she screwed up and comes back. You can't keep flip flopping...well, you can, but it won't help you any.
Good advice, but doesn't the backing off LRT method work the best from what I've seen here this past year? Plus, I think it's easier on the LBS really, too. But I agree with the making a plan and sticking to it. Karen
When she first moved out, I backed off. I gave her her space. Not sure if it accomplished too much. Originally, I wanted to give up and "be friends". Give her a lot of grace and support. I thought that maybe it WOULD help her realize she screwed up.
My darkness with her led her to believe that "I thought she was a bitch, angry with her, that I hated her..."
It seemed to me like most people here on the board did the backing off. Going dark. Most if not all that I know, have gotten D'd or are on their way to it. It didn't help. The ones that seem to have "moved on" and started doing their own thing, but kept in a loving communication...they seem to have faired better in possible reconciling.
I admit that I could be just feeding myself BS. Or misinterpreting.
I had a rolling plan. In and out. In and out. Worm my way in for a while and be around a lot, then make my self scarce. I know she still sees OM, just not sure how deep the R is anymore. Could be less than what it was, it could be way more than it used to be. I always look at things from a worst case scenario. I'm not trying to do things willy nilly. So far, everything I do has a purpose. From dealing with her, to dealing with myself. Whatever is best for me in the long run. For my relationship with myself, my God, my relationship with her, my relationship with my kids and any future relationship with someone else. I know I'm not doing things perfectly, but I'm comfortable with my actions. It's about how I feel about myself and my actions. No one else. Not her, not any of the ABC'c. Maybe only my kids.
I'm ready to go which ever way I'm led. I have my goal. The promise I made to myself and to my kids to try until the end. But I have to weigh the cost of it, too.
I love my wife. But I COULD move on in a heartbeat. It's the memories that haunt me. When we are together or when I'm alone, all by myself without my kids. Its her ghost that I pine for. The real her now, is broken. She knows she is broken and she hasn't sought any type of council. Spiritually or medically.
She just started back on some of her meds after months of not taking them. Who knows how long that will last. All the meds come out to almost $200 a month. She still smokes a lot. She refuses to attend church. She has never gone back to have the MRI's that the neurologist wanted after her second illness in June. Hasn't gone back to see the neurologist nor the general doc since then. Her guilt breaks her down.
Deep down, do I really want this person? She is either going to end up dead or paralyzed at a very young age.
For what we had, I AM willing to chance it. A little thought that I keep is that BECAUSE she is sick, that is what keeps me going because I can't just walk away. I care about her too much. I love her, but I believe that I could also love someone else someday too. I didn't think that before. I do now.
She is SO going to figure out what she had one day. If not now, later.
I think my allergy medicine kicked in
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
I think when you look at everyone else's situation you need to keep this in mind: every situation is a little different and we all came here at different stages of our situations. I came here after he filed and we were 3 mths into that. If I had come here at the beginning I believe I could have stopped the negative behavior on my part possibly enough so that he didn't leave. This is all hindsight of course.
Now that we are divorced, people have come out of the wood work letting me know that they saw ex with someone like 12 years ago!! I doubt if he was ever faithful. I just don't think he understands what it takes and what "commitment" means, but I digress. You can't say this worked for so and so , so it means that will work for me. People are different, so there is no cure all solution.
I think your best bet right now is to drop the rope. Take care of you and the kids and let God know that you will accept what he gives you. Hugs.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
H4H I love my wife. But I COULD move on in a heartbeat. It's the memories that haunt me. When we are together or when I'm alone, all by myself without my kids. Its her ghost that I pine for. The real her now, is broken. She knows she is broken and she hasn't sought any type of council. Spiritually or medically.
I totally understand H4H the memories, if you're like me the glass is always half full and we tend to forget or overlook the bad times and focus on the good. Nothing wrong with that, it just hurts sometimes
boy do I understand what you are feeling
I know everyone is telling you to go dark and back off but you are correct It's about how you feel about yourself and your actions. No one else.
Be prepared for the long haul, understanding what WDID says about how long it took her and everything I've read, it could take years for WAS to come to the realization about what she has done, what she had and gave up. I personally don't think I can wait years in the hope W will wake up. Its going to take a lot of effort and waiting and pain - I'm behind you 100% and I wish you the best. I'll be here cheering you on.
W41 M10.75 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08
