Sandi is here and things are getting better!

[Joe]

S2, You know we are here for you to vent and get it out.

I have to wonder if that is what my w feels as well about me, other then no love. I really dont buy that she doesnt love or feel for me anymore because why is she still here in this house. If she truly wanted to be on her own, I figure she would have left by now. So thats what I am trying to do is change my behaviour around here. Help out more. Have dinner cooked and ready to go for when she gets home. Maybe you should try what my w has done for me. Threaten him that your going to leave!! Can you bluff him? Would you want to bluff him?

I was stubborn just as he is. And I probably still am but now realize what I have for the moment lost. I didnt think I needed to get help or see a counsellor or read a book. I the male, ugh, ugh! Swing from a vine through the trees to get Jane. Its stupid. My w and I from day one after we were married combined our accounts into one. We were both responsible for everything. We each have a gas card for our cars that come from the same account. I drive just as much as she, sometimes further, but that doesnt mean I would owe 20 bucks more. No. The bill comes and it gets paid. We have always shopped together, not so much as lately but we would always call to see if we need something from the store. Gas, hydro, mortgage everything comes from the main account that BOTH our cheques get deposited into on payday. That account we set up so we CANT access it with an interac card. Every Fri we put a set amount over to another account and that amount is to last us the week. We can spend on ourselves, the girls, get groceries, clothes, beer what ever. It used to be that when that amount was gone, it was gone. This way, our main account is always protected. There is always supposed to be money in it But because of whats happening between us now, it seems to be a free for all. She is slowly maxing out another visa and it is ridiculous. Lately weve been showing a negative because we keep transfering money over to our spending account. I have to put my foot down but am honestly afraid to because of what it will lead to. Thats what I mean when I say Im not that strong yet inside as R2C or Edgie. Thats where it got me last weekend when I tried to talk about it and she threatens me with seperartion. What a wimp huh?

Your h needs a wake up call and has to step into the 21st century. Im not saying our system is perfect, but at least we are both free to spend as long as we use it wisely. Im not good with the bills either S2, but Im trying to learn. Im stepping up. I have a stack laying in front of me on our desk as I speak. Maybe its time you took on that project for yourself and stepped up to. Not that you need anymore stress in life. But I would re-arrange how you guys have your money set up and telll him tough luck. Vent it out to him like you did here. Combine your money and the both of you be in control of it. Not this is mine and that is yours. M is about sharing everything isnt it. Love, feelings, life, money, kids. This sis just the wake up call I needed because I was exactly like that knot on a log h of yours. My w was finally able to gather enough strength to step up, find her inner voice and smack me up the side of the head. I just wish that the WAW didnt come as part of it. But its what I needed. Sounds to me like its what your h needs to because he is being unfair....in my book.

Have to get the kids ready.

Take later. Keep that chin up. HUGS

Joe