I like that better, much clearer and lighter. I don't have anymore to add. See if anyone else has any ideas. Isn't it much easier to edit others emails? That's why I love posting here first!
Just one thing, make sure what you are saying about the Day of Atonement is/ sounds sincere. I have to say I am not an expert on that as I don't know an awful lot about Judaism but that is just one thing I would mention.
Is it hot where you are? It's a gorgeous day here but chilly!
