Acting "As If"

[RedHeadWife]

Hey all & thanks for the responses. I know some of you are thinking "big f'ing wah, kelly," and I truly know that the only way I'm going to get through this is to "man up" and just start thinking positively. I think that's a big part of my problem is that I allow myself to just dwell on the fact that I'm "not happy," etc.

I actually started getting a little spooked yesterday thinking that H may be feeling some of the same things and that I needed to just get my rear in gear & start db'ing again. When we were going through the whole D sitch, I could "act" happy etc., so I need to start doing it now.

I am on an AD, but I've asked my doctor if we can try a different one.

I've actually already started this a.m. While getting the boys ready, I was able to keep my cool unlike the usual "breaking point" I get to. I could tell I was getting upset so I calmly told the oldest that from now on I'm not going to continually remind him that he needs to get his chores done in the a.m. and that if he doesn't get them done, it's going to be on him as to the consequences (no tv etc). Then the youngest didn't want to eat his cereal, but wouldn't let me just take his bowl to the kitchen either. I ended up just having oldest walk so that I could wait on the other 2 to get done eating.

In other words, I'm REacting differently than I usually do. I've fallen into the old pattern of just being p'oed all the time when I really don't need to be.

I'm kind of rambling here, but I guess when Coach referred me to that one book, I realized that only I could change my patterns and ways of thinking.

I've also known all along if I would just give it all over to God, it would all be ok, but I'm just always so stubborn in wanting to fix it myself. I know if I just let go & let God, everything will be ok. I just need to keep that in the forefront of my mind at all times.