why on earth does he do this when he is so SURE that he wants a D and is not coming home?
I don't remember you ever sharing him saying that he was sure he wanted a divorce. Is this a case of you putting words in his mouth?
This is what you wrote just a day or two ago...
Quote:
I told H this Sunday...he agrees but doesn't want to change a thing...not coming home...likes it the way it is...if I want to change it, change it...
Sounds to me like he's saying he is currently comfortable with things the way they are. In fact it sounds like he's saying, if you need a divorce, go get it.
This is NOT unusual. And him saying that he has no intention of coming home - well, by now you should know that this means "as of TODAY" he has no intention of coming home. Who knows what the future will bring?
An interesting shift in your thought process lately. Not sure if it's because of some of the advice being offered or what. Lately you're talking more and more about whether you should just believe him and move on, though it's clearly NOT what you want to do.
For me, it would be simple. If I wanted to continue alone, hoping for eventual healing in the marriage relationship, I would continue alone. But I would also PROTECT myself. I would refuse to be close to him when I knew he was active with another person. In fact, I would put it on the table to him directly that as long as he is involving himself with another, he is NOT to be hanging around the house. And I would tell him that this was FOR ME, for MY emotional well being.
As long as there is no other relationship, I would welcome him as normal. Offer him a meal, offer him time at home. I would want him to feel as many good feelings as possible as it related to me, our farm, our home, and our family. I WANT him thinking about the GOOD things he's missing.
NO relationship talks. NO pressure. Just some clearly defined boundaries that are in place to protect MY emotional well being while I tried to stand for my marriage.
Stop making plans for something you really don't want.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
