For the Guy with Kids and a WW XV

[whatdidido]

Lots of truth darts missed, yes. But, you said some things you wanted to. That's good.

I guess when i read it......you didn't want her to get the feeling that you are happy away from her and moving on, did you? I guess it sounded that way to me, but maybe it wasn't that way in real life.

h4h, she WANTS you to move on...it justifies everything, and allows her to move on too. You are the only one that is going to be fighting right now because she is conflicted and almost feels as if being with you is wrong (because she feels she doesn't love you). Since you guys are talking closely like this, why aren't you bringing up retrouvaille, books, ability to repair, going to that Fireproof movie.....something.......Yes, you tell her you have a life. Yes, you tell her that you are not sitting at home moping. You remind her that she is hurting her family by her choice, not you. You tell her that you see you guys as still married (you did get that in and I was proud of you for that)and you are waiting for her to realize all she is losing.

I wondered what was going on, but I do believe she is cake eating all the way. She is getting the best of both worlds.

[JeffSTL]

H4H writes: Today, I just don't know what the hell is wrong with me. On the way to work, I decided to send the wife a text. "BTW...my passion? Its still there. For you, for the kids and for life again. Things that you NEED to know. I can't leave things left unsaid between us."

I don't know how you do it, discussing my feelings with my stbx last time when she said she loved me, and I told her I loved her too (back slide), threw me into a depression tailspin that lasted a full week. She made the decision to move out, be with OM and end our M and I'm telling her I lover her still - crap

I know you are open to reconciliation with your W, I don't know what is your best course of action to get her back, she knows you love her, you have shown over and over by your actions

What is it going to take for this woman to wake up

W41
M10.75 years
D9, D6, D6, S5
OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me
WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08
W files for D 07/18/08
Date I'll forgive W for A = never

[hopeful4her]

I guess when i read it......you didn't want her to get the feeling that you are happy away from her and moving on, did you? I guess it sounded that way to me, but maybe it wasn't that way in real life.

You confused me. It DID sound like I was saying that I had moved on or it DIDN'T sound like it?

I wasn't trying to sound mopey to her. I would never want to portray that to her. I want her to believe that I am enjoying my life right now. Alluding to her that there are others that want to spend their time with me. But NOT that I was moving on. My comment to her was "you KNOW how I feel" after her "moving on" comment.

Bringing up the stuff just didn't seem to be the right time. It felt like I want to get her to a comfort level with me again, first, then I can bring it up.

Afterwards, I was afraid like we were talking like I HAD moved on, but I don't think so. Thats why I was saying that I think I messed up. In after thought, I think I said some things that were meant for her to realize that I still feel the same towards her.

[hopeful4her]

I don't know how you do it, discussing my feelings with my stbx last time when she said she loved me, and I told her I loved her too (back slide), threw me into a depression tailspin that lasted a full week. She made the decision to move out, be with OM and end our M and I'm telling her I lover her still - crap

I know you are open to reconciliation with your W, I don't know what is your best course of action to get her back, she knows you love her, you have shown over and over by your actions

What is it going to take for this woman to wake up

Jeff, I think that if the wife told ME that she still loved me, I would sh*t my pants and pass out!

I know it messed with you. I sometimes think that I am trying to hard to reconcile just so I can tell her to forget it. I'm done with her.

I think that we are in for a long haul. I am patient. wdid's sitch came around after 3 years. I see the same for us. Unless she oversteps a major boundary. Then it will be me to file on HER.

Who knows? I think if she becomes ill again, that might be a wake up call.

[whatdidido]

SOrry if my post was confusing. I'm working huge amounts on the computer (like 12 hours straight) and it's getting to me.

I thought it seemed as if you were both agreeing that you moved on....she smiled at you like she wanted you to have moved on....you smiled back, etc. I see your point about getting comfortable before getting into more things, but you guys seem pretty comfortable.

I thought maybe she was moving away from OM and so the plan to spend time over there was a good one. Now, knowing what you know....I would back wayyyyyy off. But, I'm not sure you will be able to do that. You would have to act as if she is on her own...TOTALLY...no checking her car, no fixing her table, no seeing if she wants a movie, no bringing her dinner/snacks, no eating there, no chit chat, no talks on the phone (you let it go to voice mail), and NO ABC girls to fill the void. What do you think? Can you do it? If so, it will have an affect on her. When my H stopped catering to me, and I felt like I was losing him, and I felt how it was going to be......that made me stop and think (the other thing was that he went to counseling on his own and started making personal changes). Reality of my life without my husband kicked in. Time without my son is what realllllllly got me.

And, you know my story. 3 years. I try to think what you can do that could shorten that time. The above may help. Ultimately, she will have to want to come back. For me, my convictions helped me. Talking to a priest helped me. Seeing the changes in my H helped me. Not wanting to lose my whole life helped me. Seeing others "make it" helped me....many things. I'm rambling tonight....ugh, time to get off of the puter.

[yenko69]

Hang in there. I agree with with the above. I did let go and had an immediate effect. See what happens from here though. I think you can do it and show her a life without you. She will have to want to come back. If she does not you have a long life ahead of you and enjoy everyday and the beautiful K's. Is it hard yeah, but the next moment may be your last. Not to be morbid, it is just something I think about sometimes with different things that happen at work.

[Sugar and Spice]

Its worth a try H4H. We'll be here for you.

((((hugs)))))

[karen43]

I agree with everyone else. I think you should not be hinting to the W about the ABC girls. I mean she's already aware of them. I think you should give her the image of someone moving on, a strong and good man, who is ready to live a good life and not just losing yourself in the ABC girls on a rebound or whatever. I have to agree with wdid about that. Plus, you deserve better than the ABC girls anyway! Karen

[hopeful4her]

I really don't know what the relationship with OM is. It FELT like she was spending less time with him, but of course, what do I know. When I pick up the girls, I check her caller id. He calls the house usually sometime between 10 and 11. Like as if she doesn't answer and he calls again. No way of knowing what the truth is. I would think that he would be calling her cell. They are obviously in contact. Like the photo I found on the camera.

That was my plan at least for the week. Very little contact. Okay, yesterday didn't count. While I was cooking tonight, S14 called to ask D11 where the dog leash was. D11 was outside playing and I told him she'll call him back. 10 minutes later he calls me back to tell me he found it. At the same time, the wife calls my phone, but I didn't realize it. He was outside with the dog, calling me and she was inside calling me. When I hung up, I immediately had a VM. It was her saying that they found the leash and that she also wanted to let the girls know that she was home. ???? She also said that she wanted to remind them to call her tonight before bed.

"Okay. So....talk to you later."

I called her back and explained what happened. She laughed and thats when she told me that he was outside and she was inside.

"Oh, I was wondering why I had a VM as soon as I hung up. I didn't hear your call. Hold on."

I again ended our conversation by telling her to hold on and giving the girls the phone. She talked to both of them and she reminded them to call her before bed. She asked D11 if she wanted her to save some enchiladas that she was making. D11 said no



So I should NOT be showing her that I've moved on, dub? We shouldn't be agreeing that I've moved on?

But she should THINK that I have, by me not having any contact with her?

Is that the angle?

and NO ABC girls to fill the void.

Okay, now your just talking crazy

[lost_in_space]

H4H

Remember, wdid is DAMN good - so listen up.