Thanks all of you. Talked to therapists, I fully understand my role in everything which is why my changes were so quick and painful. Self reflection is a difficult thing. Looking at myself through her eyes was very painful. I had become someone that I swore I would never be. I am climbing out of that hole still. i focus on my home, things that make me happy. I do fall back for her. I am a Service Manager by trade and profession. My job is to evaluate a problem and repaitr the situation. I also have to give suggestions about maintaining equipment to get the most out of it. so you see, me not evaluating and scrutinizing and trying to understadn is difficult not to do. It is what i do. 24/7. This is the support I need, when I'm doing it wriong I wanna know. So I will stop talking with family about this. If they bring it up, I will thank them for being concerned offer a little conversation about me and move on.
Okay, so let me know about how I handled the situation tonmight. I came home and she was here,waiting for my son. there was some kind of issue between her and him regarding her cell phone bill. She was very upset. I said if you are goning to be here for a while I'll just do the brakes now. I figured why prolong things, do her damn brakes and look forward to the weekend. I am a procrastinator sometimes and it always drove her ape sh@#. Anyway one of the brake pads was missing so i had to put it off anyway. Told her thursday is the day. I went out side and proceededto get to the projects i had planned. I came in after an hour to check on my dinner. My duaghters were out so it was just me and her. she was sitting inthe kitchen texting someone on her phone. Checked dinner, reset the timer and back outside. After a half hour came in. she was sitting there stewing. I asked her if she wanted something to eat, she said no thank you. I proceeded to take my meal into the living room to eat. Turned on the news. she then prompty called a friend on her phone. apparently she thoght i would sit in the kitchen with her and try to talk to her. Ain't happening. finished eating put my dishes in the dishwasher and, yuou guessed it, back outside. I was out there for about a half hur getting into when she came out. she told me when I saw my sone to have him call her immediately. she was tired of his crap and blah bbalh blah. She left in a huff, no goodbye, no see you thursday, no drop dead you SOB. I finished my project, took the pool done, yard looks huge...
My D called me, she had just talked to her mother. she was mad at her son for the cell phone thing whatever. she also told my D that your father was too busy to even talk with me. He ate int he living room and left me alone int he kitchen. I thought he could have at least sat with me.
My point is this, dark and getting my projects done. She knew I would linger if I saw her upset, I found it better for myself to work on my pool project. It made me happy getting that eye sore out of the way. It was also refreshing to be able to walk away and let her sit alone. I know how that feels. The more i wanted to go inside and talk with her and comfort her, the more I got into the project. 15 minutes after she left. I ws done and went in to unwind. My son came in and I spoke with him about the situation. she left hima scathing letter. He read it and called her. She had overreacted to a bill weith her name on it, but it was beingcharge to my son. Without even thinking, asking or looking into the situation she exploded and went off into the great beyond. hmmmm, sounds familiar. Your words today about me being focused on her actions adn reactions helped me do this tonight. And I gotta tell you, it wasn't as hard or as painful as I thought. I have more projects to do, hope she comes around to keep me outside so I am more inclined to do them. LOL....she'll be back thrusday. I'll do the brakes, and finish the yard. Oh by the way, if you all have read my posts, she apparently took another nap in my bed today while my D did her homework.
I am reading the book and I am at chapter 5 and I am finding it confusing. Will finish it shortly. Since we really aren't communicating my telling her what i want isn't gonna happen any time soon. Do I skip chapter three or leave it tucked for now. Most of what I am reading is what I am doing. the 180 are working for me. i actually am enjoying most of what I'm doing because it is things I used to do and enjoy anyway. God bless you all. Keep me focused. I have laid out my goals for each day this week and next. Things I want to accomplish. these are things I wil do first before anyone else'';s wish.
