i agree. smells like false start to me as well. She called today to offer to have me for dinner. i declined, saying I just got back from going out to eat. she of course asked where, and if i was busy now, to which I did not tell her where, and said I was busy. said have a good night to her.
M 31 W 26 M 6 S 6 S 3 Separated 6/2008 Back together 10/2008 All you need is love
She wants what she can't have. I have no good advice on how to play this....it could certainly be a false start, but it may actually be a start.
Have you told her that you don't trust her? That you aren't sure how you'll regain that?
Have you told her what it would take for you to consider trying again with her?
Have you given her any kind of roadmap that would help with reconciliation?
I don't disagree with how you are handling things. You shouldn't just jump, but an occasional acceptance of offers is okay. Give her the opportunity to prove something by you. Don't trust her, but at least allow some opportunities for her to work towards that. Give her some hoops and see if she jumps through them....IC, MC, whatever. Or have you closed the door completely (I think not, or you would always turn her down).
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
Good point(s), PD. I hadn't thought of it that way. A betrayed spouse, while they have to protect themselves emotionally, DOES need to guard against going so far as to convey a sense of HOPELESSNESS in the wayward spouse. That's NOT what you want.
BC - I have read through your situation, and I feel that your W is only reaching out to you because the OM dumped her and she is pregnant and scared.
If you go back to her in anyway, my guess is you will be hurt again. She is using you.
The only way it seems it could possibly work is if you just move on for now, let her have the baby and figure out her life...and then later IF she hasn't already hooked up with someone else, maybe you two could try again.
I know you want to help her as she is pretty helpless right now, and you will always be there for your child...but really, by just giving in to her demands for help, you are just showing her you will be treated any way she wants at any time.
You really have to man-up, grow-up, and stop being her daddy. I don't mean this as an insult...I mean it that what she NEEDS is a true self-respecting man who will not cater to her whims. She may think she needs the princess treatment from you, but she is wrong. What she needs is to be left to work out her own problems.
Been avoiding my wife except when it comes to our son. Every morning now she'll text and ask how I'm doing and say good morning. It's unbelievable how someone comes chasing after you when you stop chasing them.
I haven't come right out and told her I don't trust her. I have told her, however, that I know she has feelings for the other man whether she loves him or not, and talking to him puts a serious wedge betwen us and narrows any chance for reconciliation. I tell her that she is in a rut and her life is screwed up; she needs time to herself to think about what she wants in life. In the meantime I am keeping my options open and not sitting around waiting.
She thought I was mad at her today cuz I didn't answer my phone. She called 9 times in 3 hours
M 31 W 26 M 6 S 6 S 3 Separated 6/2008 Back together 10/2008 All you need is love
Tell her to stop harrassing you. Tell her she's free to call or text anytime it's about the kids and important, and that you'll answer her promptly, but that -- frankly -- she's given up the right to expect you to be there for her for her personal matters. Say this matter-of-factly, not rudely at all, as if you were reading back to her a fast food order.
Tell her to stop harrassing you. Tell her she's free to call or text anytime it's about the kids and important, and that you'll answer her promptly, but that -- frankly -- she's given up the right to expect you to be there for her for her personal matters. Say this matter-of-factly, not rudely at all, as if you were reading back to her a fast food order.
She's harrassing you.
Puppy
Because you are not waiting for her to say jump. Keep it up BC, you are doing exactly the right thing. Listen to Puppy, he knows.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
tough, but easier to do as the days go by. I still care but I try my damndest not to show it TOO much. for the past 4 months, when I was watching our son, every day she would text "how is (son) ?" now she texts "hey how are you ?"
flabbergasted by her change of heart.
I asked her today what was up with the sudden change of attitude
she replies: "well I thought that I was happy in life and I could be happIER, but you were holding me back. I was wrong. I went about things the wrong way. I got a taste of my own medicine and saw that no one should be treated how I treated you."
we'll see i suppose
M 31 W 26 M 6 S 6 S 3 Separated 6/2008 Back together 10/2008 All you need is love
