First of all -- I think your are decent, strong man. I remember our phone conversation so long ago. The last thing you said to me was, "Strength and Honor". Let's get together in the city sometime.
I understand and support your decision to file. In my spiritual/religious world-view, you have grounds.
We'll see if I have the strength to say enough is enough.
Let me reply...
Quote:
-is marriage a dated institution?
Absolutely f*cking NOT!!! It's the only safe place to make our vulnerabilties known, to express our sexuality and to model to children what authentic manhood and womanhood look like. You know this FIB, deep in your bones. Loayalty, sacrifice, love, passion -- it's all there. You want it. You want a woman you can pour your strength into. When marriage works it's like a rock polisher, it smooths out both spouses' ugly sides.
Quote:
-are their REAL physiologically changes that occur that DO make monogamy difficult?
Do you mean can people get so sick in the head (Bi-Polar, MLC, Narcissism, Sociopathic disorders) that make a person untrustworthy and incapable of monagamy? You betcha!!! But as someone once told me, a narcissist can't have real relationships with anyone at all.
Yes, some people cheat because of disorders, some because they have no moral compass, others, because society tells them it's OK. Who knows for sure.
The question, FIB, is what do YOU believe about the sanctity of marriage and the acceptability of infidelity?
If you are clear, then be clear.
You are also getting a predominantly Christian sub-text regarding what provides clear grounds for divorce here on the DB board. In the Jewish tradition, lack of harmony in the home is sufficient grounds. I haven't really thought much about the Jewish approach to this, which intrigues me.
Yeah, there are many times when I want to thrash OM or at least cause some turmoil. The thing is what stops me is two things:
1) The law protects him. Like FIB I've been there, got a restraining order against me years ago because "She was afraid". Not that I DID anything. She was just 'afraid'.
2) In almost every instance where OM is a 'relationship' and someone has confronted them all that happens is it makes them stronger in their justification.
I do wish this was the 'old days'. I think if it was a lot different set of morals would be instilled in our WAS's and they would take family and us as serious responsibilities.
But this is now. And in the now the best we can do is get OUR house in order and fix the 50% that was our dysfunctions in the marriage so we can live better lives.
And that's what I'm doing. She can have her life. She's made it by choice so I wish her luck.
Frank, you are dead on in your assessment that confronting the OM would push your wife closer to him.
Another wise choice on your part.
Yeah, I know. It doesn't matter anyway. I give up on her, there's nothing I can do.
The thing that hurts the most is the acceptance by HER friends that even though she is still married, this relationship is ok and it's also ok to hang out with D13 and play family type games - something we should be doing as a family.
I don't know why I even care if she ever comes back. She's happy in her present life. I'm sorry she's going to have a financial meltdown in the near future but I also hope it hurts her a lot.
I'm going as dark as I can given the current situation. I don't want to hate her but I'm getting close.
