I hope that you understand I'm not saying to take the kids and run away and of course I understand. All that I'm saying is that knowing my own anger patterns and how they manifest when I had a problem, your husband's behavior seems strikingly familiar and from that perspective, my advice is to get out of the way of the fantasy he has where all of his frustrations are gone. Additionally, set up proper boundaries and enforce them with the legal system if you have to because his behavior seems to me to be skirting the edges of control and of physical violence.
You have to make the decisions, but, I'm saying that from the point of view of someone who used to not have much self-control that he appears potentially dangerous.
I will say that in all likelihood, your husband will return to his senses in time, but, right now to reduce negative emotions may mean you need to not be much a part of his life right now.
