What I see is a woman who is being told, "No, that's not the reason. No, that's not how it happened." Well, sue me ... but I think expecting her to sit there and be dishonest *again* by agreeing with her husband's versions of events he was not a participant in is (a) ridiculous and (b) the ultimate in irony. I don't care WHAT she did; for him to say, "No, that's NOT why you did it" to her expressed motives and keep hounding her for some other answer ... he deserved everything he got if he got something he didn't want to hear. Not that losing your temper and spewing was helpful either, Lifeline ... but if you tell the truth as best you know it and he refuses to accept it ... that is then *his* problem and you are under no compulsion to discuss the matter further at that time. Or just keep repeating (hello?) the truth. The truth of your thoughts and motivations is YOUR truth ... he doesn't get to define it.
And the way he is treating you sexually is completely beyond the pale and one of the nastiest things I've read on these boards. To me it doesn't read as anything but vengeance. You want to save your marriage, great ... but some good professional counseling is *essential*.
I totally get him being hurt, angry, etc etc. He has every right to express those emotions fully and at length and in depth. But the vibe I get off your story crosses over into something much uglier. Be careful of yourself.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert