i wonder somtimes lately about this me. the person aht is alive again. it is almost scarey.

why? i dont know -was thinking about x and his baggage and his financial woes taht he is not facing (because you CAN run...his favorite line during this was you can squeeze blood out of a turnip) and I know that is his philosophy with his bills...he pays what he has to pay..things that are connected DIRECTLY to him (rent/utilities/phone and of course cable...) anything else comes 2nd and of course I am on thte 2nd lsit.

anyway-- i am thankful that i dont have to deal with his irrsponsiblility financially anymore. would I HECK YES!! AND I would do it with a smile and grace. BUT we aern't married-so I dont ahve to. (Sure hope this makes sense). it is just one of those weird "Blessings in the struggle" that I am feeling. I am responsible for me and my kids... and i like knowing that my Provider keeps coming through.

i stopped home for lunch today to grab a soda...while i was walking up to my apt. (lost my home a year ago) i was htinking about the actual COST of this stupid divorce. 2 households..2 rents 2 utilities AND he has to (or is suppose to) pay childsupport and/or alimony. it is ridiculous adn really sad....but it is what it is.

i am glad we all have each other.

M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06
Moved out 3/12/07
D final 7/30/2008
finding myself again