I'm sorry this is still so hard on you. I suspect it will be for awhile yet.
When my wife was having her affair last summer, I dreamt one night that I was choking her. Not a traditional, two-hand-strangehold-around-the-throat, but I had one hand all jammed up in her face, as I rammed my THUMB down her throat -- HARD.
I woke up horribly disturbed, and even told her about it. It was terrifying, to know that I even had that kind of rage in me.
Thankfully, I never had a repeat of that, or anything else like it.
