I guess it's over

[Trixi]

Some people jump from "tenaciously hanging on", right into divorce.
I personally think that is a mistake, and the better thing for everyone involved, is to fire a crystal clear "warning shot" first.

I certainly agree that I don't want to rush into anything.But I think I will look like a total dweeb if I fire a warning shot. He aleady said he doesn't want to be married. He isn't calling me. He isn't approaching me. He is making no overtures in my direction whatsoever. I don't have leverage. He needs to start missing me before I even *have* leverage. Right now I am sure he feels like a weight has been lifted from him.

Going back to the xbf; he sort of did a warning shot with me last night. He said "you need to do what you need to do. It's going to be like walking thru he11 and extremely difficult [to go thru the divorce process]. I want to be with you. But if you don't indicate to me in the near future that you are open to being with me, then you might find I am not so 'johnny-on-the-spot'. I need to look out for myself and I am willing to wait for a bit, but not forever."
My thoughts were "STOP PRESSURING ME." "If that's how you feel; that's fine. If you aren't there later because I didn't jump thru your hoops- whatever." I felt it was totally a ridiculous play on his part to try to 'threaten' me to try to get me off the dime. He (of course) doesn't have that sort of leverage with me. When he talked future stuff, my first thought was "Don't count on me for that." (eerily reminiscent of how my H feels towards me.) The convo ended with me re-explaining (for the umpteen'th time) that I only needed a friend right now; I don't want anything serious; I am not "over" my H/marriage and I need time to heal; and that he needs to back the heck off.

Me telling H that he has to do XYZ to be with me and that he has a short window of time to accomplish that, is rather like the employee who says immediately after being canned "OH YEAH?! You can't fire me because I QUIT!"

I'll bet H is totally distracted with the moving in of his 21yo son. I am sort of baffled on what to do about contacting SS. I would like to call him and say "Hey, welcome back." and see how things are going for him-BUT the only way I can reach him is on my H's cell. I don't want to speak to H. At all. But I don't want SS to feel like I didn't even care enough to check in.
Thoughts?