Lifeline, First of all let me say that I admire you for trying to save your marriage and coming on here. Please do not stop posting.
I do think your H is going overboard on his anger. Yes, it hurts more than anything I have ever experienced, but it seems to me that you are trying. You have admitted that you made a mistake and it seems that you are no longer in contact with OM. I still have anger issues with my H and do not trust him because he is still in contact with OW.
You may want to look into marriage counseling or Retrouville. Check out Sara's thread.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon