how do I keep DBing when he feels this way?

[saffie]

LL,

Don't change how you post - you are fine. I am a BS and I don't feel your posting is out of line.

I can understand why CME is saying what he is...but he doesn't have to be SO harsh. Also, it's one thing to have to listen to what your H say's...but the sexual stuff is verging on abuse.

[Yoyowife]

Lifeline,
First of all let me say that I admire you for trying to save your marriage and coming on here. Please do not stop posting.

I do think your H is going overboard on his anger. Yes, it hurts more than anything I have ever experienced, but it seems to me that you are trying. You have admitted that you made a mistake and it seems that you are no longer in contact with OM. I still have anger issues with my H and do not trust him because he is still in contact with OW.

You may want to look into marriage counseling or Retrouville. Check out Sara's thread.

[Yoyowife]

Lifeline,
Here is a link to Sara's thread.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1608607&page=0&fpart=1

[Lifeline]

Thank you for sending the link Yoyowife.
I always love to read about Retrouville experiences because I would like to attend someday. I know there's a weekend coming up in a month or so that we could attend. I've mentioned the program to kind of feel my H out but haven't flat out asked him if he would attend.

Sara -- do you think betrayed husbands would feel awkward going -- my H has issues with being a man who was betrayed. I think he feels sometimes like he is the only man going through this devastation (to which I try to assure him he isn't, but...)

Any feedback would be great Sara.
Thanks,
LL

[Kettricken]

What I see is a woman who is being told, "No, that's not the reason. No, that's not how it happened." Well, sue me ... but I think expecting her to sit there and be dishonest *again* by agreeing with her husband's versions of events he was not a participant in is (a) ridiculous and (b) the ultimate in irony. I don't care WHAT she did; for him to say, "No, that's NOT why you did it" to her expressed motives and keep hounding her for some other answer ... he deserved everything he got if he got something he didn't want to hear. Not that losing your temper and spewing was helpful either, Lifeline ... but if you tell the truth as best you know it and he refuses to accept it ... that is then *his* problem and you are under no compulsion to discuss the matter further at that time. Or just keep repeating (hello?) the truth. The truth of your thoughts and motivations is YOUR truth ... he doesn't get to define it.

And the way he is treating you sexually is completely beyond the pale and one of the nastiest things I've read on these boards. To me it doesn't read as anything but vengeance. You want to save your marriage, great ... but some good professional counseling is *essential*.

I totally get him being hurt, angry, etc etc. He has every right to express those emotions fully and at length and in depth. But the vibe I get off your story crosses over into something much uglier. Be careful of yourself.